I finally feel like I've regained some of my footing in terms of who I am. Also, just to preface, I actually just write this blog because it helps me. I know I've said that before, and I also know that I have a solid handful of perfect, supportive friends who legitimately love me and care about how I'm doing but I also know there are a lot of people who don't care and that's fine too.
Something that I really lost with all of the shit that's happened lately is my sense of humour, which is a thing (I have to learn more nouns before school starts, yikes) that's been with me for as long as I can remember. Although I have a serious case of resting bitch face (I'm working on that), I have an undeniable love for anything funny. Over these past few months I was so stressed out about what was happening and what I needed to do for other people and a whole bunch of other bullshit that I forgot to make jokes and it was soooooo awful. And the worst part is that I didn't even realize it until I had a day where I just took a break from feeling defeated and let myself be. A lot of people say "Ohhhh laughter is the best medicine hee hee hah hah" and they're not wrong, but for me it was more of just letting myself jump back into that old sarcastic, witty, passive aggressive saddle I love riding in so much. Being funny is FUN and to have someone or something take that away from you is not okay. So no matter what shit is happening, let it happen, get through it, feel it out, but keep making jokes or better yet, start to make jokes again if you haven't done it in a long time. It'll really help.
I'm not a very openly loving person which is a) a complete change of subject and b) something that I don't know if I'll ever be. I don't feel the need to hug people which is something I really do genuinely want to change about myself. But recently, and I'm probably pre-menstrual so weeeooo, I've had a real soft spot for people who aren't afraid to love people?? I just am so amazed by people who meet others and are sober and just hug them and all of this nice stuff, like, that's just something that I don't do. I wish that I did, like, if I actually could make three wishes at some point and have them come true that would probably be one of them even though it's a little selfish. I like some people a lot and I want them to know that, but I'm not the best at just putting my feelings out there, and I hope I can be someday.
I like to share these on Facebook because I feel like there are a lot of people I know who don't see me very often so this is my own personal way of showing you that, yes, I'm still fine, and yes, I still curse too much. With the way things are looking right now, I will be fine and potty-mouthed forever, but here's a short little update about it anyways.
