I'm at my parents' house and I'm sitting by a warm fireplace. I was about to go to bed but then I got all emotional and stuff, so here I am.
Sometimes I get really distracted by silly things. Sometimes I worry too much about the shape of my eyebrows, or how my boss will feel about me if I call in sick, or how much money I'm spending on chocolate a month. Sometimes I rant too much or get too angry about things that are out of my control. Sometimes I forget to look at the bigger picture.
I'm not trying to be artistic with this post or anything, I just have a lot of fucking feelings that I can't really seem to sort out or make sense of. And I know that probably just makes the bulk of this post that much more confusing, but go with me here, okay? Right now, sitting in front of this fire at my parents house, I feel content. I have no idea what tomorrow is going to bring. I have no idea how drastically my feelings might change overnight. I have no idea in what condition my eyebrows will be tomorrow. But, right now, I feel okay. I'm not happy and I'm not sad, but I'm grateful and I feel okay. I forget how lucky I am to be who I am, you know? I'm fucking rad and I have so much to be thankful for (parents, sister, cute cat pictures on the internet, my choir, my best friend, coffee, Project Free TV, etc.) and sometimes that slips my mind. Basically, the reason I'm writing this post tonight is to remind myself to remind myself of these things. Yeah, sometimes (most of the time) my life doesn't work out the way I want it to, but I try to roll with it. Yes, I cry a lot and I can't even bring myself to watch "Les Miserables" because I think I might shrivel into nothing and die afterwards from loss of water via my tear ducts (that's a secret; don't tell any of my choir friends I haven't seen it...). And yes, I take two showers a day (one in the morning and one at night) due to my self-diagnosed OCD (afore mentioned) and because it generally makes me feel better and helps me sleep. Yes, I eat, on average, 1-2 cartons of Ben and Jerry's a week. But you know, what would my life be like if it didn't have a downside? At least my flaws give me motivation to do better. My life is really great and sometimes that slips out of my sights, if you will.
Maybe you've been having a really hard time too and maybe this will help you rediscover the beauty in your life (I repeat: PROJECT FREE TV). Or maybe this post was just for me - something to help me sort my thoughts and emotions. OR MAYBE THIS WHOLE POST WAS A LIE MWAHAHA. Jokes, it was all true. I wouldn't do that to you guys.
Well, time for me to turn my brain off now. I hope this was at least slightly entertaining. And hey, now you know my whole life story, so that might be a cool thing. Anyways, just try to calm down and appreciate. Forget about stress and hate. Eliminate. And make a date. With fate. Wow, look at me go!
I'm actually going to stop being crazy now and put myself in a place where I can no longer type weird spoken word poetry on my blog and wreck it forever. Goodnight.
Friday 12 April 2013
Tuesday 9 April 2013
The "V" Word.
Good morning, dudes! This is something different for me - I usually don't write in the morning. But, I have the day off, it's sunny outside, and I don't want to deal with my actual real life/my problems. So, here we go.
I've been thinking about "slut-shaming" a lot lately. Now, if y'all don't know what this means, the definition of "slut-shaming" is: "the act of making a woman feel guilty for displaying certain sexual behaviours that aren't typical to traditional gender roles." It can also be used to define the way that some women are blamed for their own rapes and sexual assaults based on the clothes that they were wearing or their previously sexually forward manner. (Thank you, Wikipedia, for clarifying.) Obviously, this is gross. I can't believe that after all of the research done on women and the reproductive systems of women explaining our ability to have multiple orgasms and our bodies' insatiable desire for sex, we are STILL put under this stigma that we are surely, generally, "non-sexual" beings, and that if a woman is very sexual it is out of character. That is just so damn silly. Give me a break. The worst part about it, I think, is not this, but the fact that individual women can't do whatever they want sexually without being judged for it, you know? Like, maybe I have two friends and one of them is a "virgin" (by that, I mean having had no sexual experiences; I will discuss my views on virginity later on) and has no desire to have sex whatsoever and the other is a flaming sex pot. Both of them are going to be judged based on their choices due to things such as age, career choice, religion, etc., but most of all, gender. It's so wrong! If my two friends are both happy with the way they're living their lives, then why should they have to change simply because of what other people want them to do? They're being put under this blanket statement that says women are supposed to want sex these ways, this is how women should be satisfied, and anything more or less is completely unacceptable.
This takes me on to my "Anti-Person of the Week" portion of my blog post. Ladies and gentlemen, the one and only, Taylor Swift. This will be a small portion, since the only things I have to say are absolutely negative and what I'm trying to get at here is pretty plain. Usually, I don't like to hate on people, and I'm sure that (maybe?) Swift's mind could be changed if she were more educated, but for now, here we go. From the way she believes that fifteen year-old girls are all vulnerable, unassuming, and naive (listen to "Fifteen"), to her classic slut-shaming antics ("she wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts" - therefore, she's obviously better, more pure, and less "slutty"), I've learned that T Swift is just a sad little person who got caught up in the terrible labels and discriminations that society is so insistent on handing out. In an interview, Swift was once asked if she identifies as a feminist. Her reply was simple; "I believe in equality, but I'm not a feminist." Well, I think that deserves a round of applause, don't you? First, indoctrinating little girls with your slut-shaming lyrics and then refusing to identify as a feminist because of the negative connotations? Bravo, Swift. You're a fucking winner.
Lastly, I'd like to talk about the ridiculous concept of "virginity". Children are raised (especially religious children) with this title bestowed upon them. They are "virgins". "Virgins" are pure and completely void of sin. And once a "virgin" is ready to get married or bear children, his/her "virginity" is lost by having vaginal/penile intercourse, but, because it's through love and matrimony and between a man and a woman, that makes it okay. Now, in reality, this is what "virginity" looks like: You're fourteen and you find yourself in the woods with a certain boy/girl at a birthday party and things happen with hands and mouths and you're discovering your sexuality and it's lovely and exciting and new, but when it's over, you're left wondering, "Wait - am I still a virgin?" And then perhaps you feel guilty or dirty, because you feel as though some of your "purity" is gone and you're not sure if that's the way the concept of "virginity" is supposed to work. I just want to take a second and say, FUCK VIRGINITY (LOL. Pun not intended). It isn't real. The way that we are lead to believe that our bodies are for one person and one person only, that we can only "lose it" through one specific act (what about homosexuals?) at one specific time when we're all married up, but that other similar acts may tarnish our pure, white souls. Guys, this isn't right. This isn't the way the world works and I don't think being "pure" is something that should define how we feel about ourselves based on our sexuality or what we choose to do with our sexuality. I'm not saying that saving oneself for marriage is wrong; if you think that's for you, then do your thing, dude. What I'm saying is that it's terrible that adolescents feel as though they're ruining a part of themselves that DOESN'T EVEN EXIST by exploring what their bodies and hearts are curious about. There's nothing wrong with becoming, or not becoming, sexual beings in whatever way we decide to do so, and the only thing that "virginity" does for these people that are exploring is make them feel guilty about a part of their natural minds and bodies that they can't control. Also, if the concept of being a virgin didn't exist, then the chances of women being "slut-shamed" (by Taylor Swift and others) would be a lot less. There would be no ideal sexual being to compare these "sluts" to if we all just accepted that people choose to do what they want with their bodies and that's okay. So, that's why I think "purity" and "virginity" are a load of shit.
I hope you all have a nice day. I'm out.
I've been thinking about "slut-shaming" a lot lately. Now, if y'all don't know what this means, the definition of "slut-shaming" is: "the act of making a woman feel guilty for displaying certain sexual behaviours that aren't typical to traditional gender roles." It can also be used to define the way that some women are blamed for their own rapes and sexual assaults based on the clothes that they were wearing or their previously sexually forward manner. (Thank you, Wikipedia, for clarifying.) Obviously, this is gross. I can't believe that after all of the research done on women and the reproductive systems of women explaining our ability to have multiple orgasms and our bodies' insatiable desire for sex, we are STILL put under this stigma that we are surely, generally, "non-sexual" beings, and that if a woman is very sexual it is out of character. That is just so damn silly. Give me a break. The worst part about it, I think, is not this, but the fact that individual women can't do whatever they want sexually without being judged for it, you know? Like, maybe I have two friends and one of them is a "virgin" (by that, I mean having had no sexual experiences; I will discuss my views on virginity later on) and has no desire to have sex whatsoever and the other is a flaming sex pot. Both of them are going to be judged based on their choices due to things such as age, career choice, religion, etc., but most of all, gender. It's so wrong! If my two friends are both happy with the way they're living their lives, then why should they have to change simply because of what other people want them to do? They're being put under this blanket statement that says women are supposed to want sex these ways, this is how women should be satisfied, and anything more or less is completely unacceptable.
This takes me on to my "Anti-Person of the Week" portion of my blog post. Ladies and gentlemen, the one and only, Taylor Swift. This will be a small portion, since the only things I have to say are absolutely negative and what I'm trying to get at here is pretty plain. Usually, I don't like to hate on people, and I'm sure that (maybe?) Swift's mind could be changed if she were more educated, but for now, here we go. From the way she believes that fifteen year-old girls are all vulnerable, unassuming, and naive (listen to "Fifteen"), to her classic slut-shaming antics ("she wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts" - therefore, she's obviously better, more pure, and less "slutty"), I've learned that T Swift is just a sad little person who got caught up in the terrible labels and discriminations that society is so insistent on handing out. In an interview, Swift was once asked if she identifies as a feminist. Her reply was simple; "I believe in equality, but I'm not a feminist." Well, I think that deserves a round of applause, don't you? First, indoctrinating little girls with your slut-shaming lyrics and then refusing to identify as a feminist because of the negative connotations? Bravo, Swift. You're a fucking winner.
Lastly, I'd like to talk about the ridiculous concept of "virginity". Children are raised (especially religious children) with this title bestowed upon them. They are "virgins". "Virgins" are pure and completely void of sin. And once a "virgin" is ready to get married or bear children, his/her "virginity" is lost by having vaginal/penile intercourse, but, because it's through love and matrimony and between a man and a woman, that makes it okay. Now, in reality, this is what "virginity" looks like: You're fourteen and you find yourself in the woods with a certain boy/girl at a birthday party and things happen with hands and mouths and you're discovering your sexuality and it's lovely and exciting and new, but when it's over, you're left wondering, "Wait - am I still a virgin?" And then perhaps you feel guilty or dirty, because you feel as though some of your "purity" is gone and you're not sure if that's the way the concept of "virginity" is supposed to work. I just want to take a second and say, FUCK VIRGINITY (LOL. Pun not intended). It isn't real. The way that we are lead to believe that our bodies are for one person and one person only, that we can only "lose it" through one specific act (what about homosexuals?) at one specific time when we're all married up, but that other similar acts may tarnish our pure, white souls. Guys, this isn't right. This isn't the way the world works and I don't think being "pure" is something that should define how we feel about ourselves based on our sexuality or what we choose to do with our sexuality. I'm not saying that saving oneself for marriage is wrong; if you think that's for you, then do your thing, dude. What I'm saying is that it's terrible that adolescents feel as though they're ruining a part of themselves that DOESN'T EVEN EXIST by exploring what their bodies and hearts are curious about. There's nothing wrong with becoming, or not becoming, sexual beings in whatever way we decide to do so, and the only thing that "virginity" does for these people that are exploring is make them feel guilty about a part of their natural minds and bodies that they can't control. Also, if the concept of being a virgin didn't exist, then the chances of women being "slut-shamed" (by Taylor Swift and others) would be a lot less. There would be no ideal sexual being to compare these "sluts" to if we all just accepted that people choose to do what they want with their bodies and that's okay. So, that's why I think "purity" and "virginity" are a load of shit.
I hope you all have a nice day. I'm out.
Thursday 4 April 2013
Why I Hate "Kinder Surprise": A Memoir
Hey, kids! I hope everyone had a great spring break (too pedagogical?)! To start things off, I love you and your hair looked fabulous today. A quick update on my life: I've recently run out of Ben and Jerry's, so I have resorted to eating Greek yogurt which turns into real yogurt if you stir it a lot and I like that. Also, I shaved my legs, so that was cool.
I think that the whole "society-based-around-gender" thing is really getting to me. I can't think about anything else. Whenever anyone in my life says anything, I immediately have to analyze whether or not it was prejudiced. This might have to do with my self-diagnosed OCD, but I'm also thinking that it's actually just ridiculous and I'm sick to death of people putting up with this point of view.
For starters, on Easter, I received from my unassuming, beautiful, intelligent, independent relative a Kinder Surprise - for girls. My heart broke. I think I actually died a little bit inside. I had heard of these from a friend and we discussed the topic pretty thoroughly. I have a few things to say about it. First of all, fuck you, Kinder Surprise. Fuck you for going along with the patriarchal assumption that girls are less intelligent and therefore we need to receive little kitty bracelets or miniature Barbie dolls as presents instead of stuff that we can actually build with our brains, you jerks. I hate you. Fuck you for making them pink and fuck you for creating a gender divide among a younger generation. I wish I could have presented that in a more polite manner, but it was impossible, so there you have it. Second of all, I'm really sad that my relative didn't see an issue with this. I have a seven year-old cousin whom I adore more than any other child I've ever known and I spent most of my Easter with him. He, of course, received a "boy" Kinder Surprise. When I opened mine and found a bracelet, I told him that I didn't want it and asked him if he waned it. He replied with a simple, "No, people would make fun of me." I said, "But I wouldn't make fun of you." And his final word on the subject was, "Not everyone is like you." I teared up a little. I feel like some of you might think that was an overdramatic response, but I don't. He's already been exposed to the opinion of society that he would be seen as "odd" or "not normal" if he wore a bracelet. He's been taught that there are boys and girls, and boys have boy toys and girls have girl toys and they don't mix. And that makes me really upset. He is, without a doubt, the smartest seven year-old I've ever known (he's beaten me at chess on several different occasions) yet society has already started to get the best of him. I guess the best I can do for him at this point is try to weasel myself into his life and continue to try to convince him that it would be okay for him to paint his toenails if he wanted to. Thirdly, and lastly, I'm really mad at myself for not saying anything about this. It's hard to correct someone who a) is older than you and has more life experience and b) you have a lot of respect for. The issue is, though, is that if my relative would have said, "Here's a Kindersurprise for the black kid and a different, better one for the white kid!", I would have freaked out, you know? Gender is such a touchy topic with so many people because, for some insanely idiotic reason, we aren't at the point yet where it's absurd for girls and boys to be treated as separate species. So, yes, I should have said something, and I'm still kicking myself. One of my personal goals is to become more vocal in my belief system, especially in situations like that. It's really tough to build up to, but I think that the more I do it, the easier it will become.
I have a really hard time with stuff like this because even though parents and teachers and guardians don't think this kind of thing is harmful, it is. That's not even an opinion either, because there's evidence. How many young women are in school for engineering right now? I don't have any exact numbers handy, but I know, personally, five or six people who are taking engineering and not one of them is a girl. I'd say that's a pretty normal statistic in other schools and cities as well. The reason that a lot of women (myself included) believe that they cannot handle the academic challenges of engineering is that we grew up with this constant reminder that boys were better at that stuff. Boys got to play with Lego and cars, but we got to play with dolls and kitchens and tea sets. This is what we come familiar with and this is what we evolve into. I'm not saying that this is true for all women, but a fair amount of girls grow up in an environment where these are the play things that are readily available. (And I'm also not saying that being a wife or a mother as a profession is something that a woman should be ashamed of or looked down upon for. I believe that a socially conscious woman should be able to do whatever she wants to do, I'm just arguing this from a "forced-upon-us-by-the-patriarchy" standpoint.) A child doesn't bother to question why she is given certain toys; she's a child. This thoughtless indoctrination into a certain lifestyle isn't even at the fault of the parents. We, as women, are pressured by society into thinking that this is all we deserve and this is all we need; that we should be satisfied with domesticity. It's a really sad part of the world we live in. Imagine the incredible feats that could have been achieved by now if women were encouraged to do all of the things that men are encouraged to do. Does it make sense to deprive the world of the unique intellect of fifty percent of population solely based on the fact that this fifty percent contains a significant amount of uteri? No. No, it does not make sense. And, yes, every day new doors are opening and more women are becoming involved in science, mathematics, mechanics, etc. and that's fantastic! But how are we going to completely dissolve this gender divide if we still have stupidity such as separate Kinder Surprises for boys and girls? I'd like to propose a boycott against all toys, candies, books, etc. that are gender discriminative. Maybe tell your friends or relatives with young children about the problems it creates. It's hard to be so involved in peoples' lives, I know, but I feel like the importance of the issue kind of outweighs the privacy of parenthood in this aspect. I might be getting a little too "all-up-in-your-face" over here, but I'm tired and I just really care about this. Thanks for reading.
And for the love of Darwin, please go buy some Ben and Jerry's so I can live vicariously through you. Goodnight.
I think that the whole "society-based-around-gender" thing is really getting to me. I can't think about anything else. Whenever anyone in my life says anything, I immediately have to analyze whether or not it was prejudiced. This might have to do with my self-diagnosed OCD, but I'm also thinking that it's actually just ridiculous and I'm sick to death of people putting up with this point of view.
For starters, on Easter, I received from my unassuming, beautiful, intelligent, independent relative a Kinder Surprise - for girls. My heart broke. I think I actually died a little bit inside. I had heard of these from a friend and we discussed the topic pretty thoroughly. I have a few things to say about it. First of all, fuck you, Kinder Surprise. Fuck you for going along with the patriarchal assumption that girls are less intelligent and therefore we need to receive little kitty bracelets or miniature Barbie dolls as presents instead of stuff that we can actually build with our brains, you jerks. I hate you. Fuck you for making them pink and fuck you for creating a gender divide among a younger generation. I wish I could have presented that in a more polite manner, but it was impossible, so there you have it. Second of all, I'm really sad that my relative didn't see an issue with this. I have a seven year-old cousin whom I adore more than any other child I've ever known and I spent most of my Easter with him. He, of course, received a "boy" Kinder Surprise. When I opened mine and found a bracelet, I told him that I didn't want it and asked him if he waned it. He replied with a simple, "No, people would make fun of me." I said, "But I wouldn't make fun of you." And his final word on the subject was, "Not everyone is like you." I teared up a little. I feel like some of you might think that was an overdramatic response, but I don't. He's already been exposed to the opinion of society that he would be seen as "odd" or "not normal" if he wore a bracelet. He's been taught that there are boys and girls, and boys have boy toys and girls have girl toys and they don't mix. And that makes me really upset. He is, without a doubt, the smartest seven year-old I've ever known (he's beaten me at chess on several different occasions) yet society has already started to get the best of him. I guess the best I can do for him at this point is try to weasel myself into his life and continue to try to convince him that it would be okay for him to paint his toenails if he wanted to. Thirdly, and lastly, I'm really mad at myself for not saying anything about this. It's hard to correct someone who a) is older than you and has more life experience and b) you have a lot of respect for. The issue is, though, is that if my relative would have said, "Here's a Kindersurprise for the black kid and a different, better one for the white kid!", I would have freaked out, you know? Gender is such a touchy topic with so many people because, for some insanely idiotic reason, we aren't at the point yet where it's absurd for girls and boys to be treated as separate species. So, yes, I should have said something, and I'm still kicking myself. One of my personal goals is to become more vocal in my belief system, especially in situations like that. It's really tough to build up to, but I think that the more I do it, the easier it will become.
I have a really hard time with stuff like this because even though parents and teachers and guardians don't think this kind of thing is harmful, it is. That's not even an opinion either, because there's evidence. How many young women are in school for engineering right now? I don't have any exact numbers handy, but I know, personally, five or six people who are taking engineering and not one of them is a girl. I'd say that's a pretty normal statistic in other schools and cities as well. The reason that a lot of women (myself included) believe that they cannot handle the academic challenges of engineering is that we grew up with this constant reminder that boys were better at that stuff. Boys got to play with Lego and cars, but we got to play with dolls and kitchens and tea sets. This is what we come familiar with and this is what we evolve into. I'm not saying that this is true for all women, but a fair amount of girls grow up in an environment where these are the play things that are readily available. (And I'm also not saying that being a wife or a mother as a profession is something that a woman should be ashamed of or looked down upon for. I believe that a socially conscious woman should be able to do whatever she wants to do, I'm just arguing this from a "forced-upon-us-by-the-patriarchy" standpoint.) A child doesn't bother to question why she is given certain toys; she's a child. This thoughtless indoctrination into a certain lifestyle isn't even at the fault of the parents. We, as women, are pressured by society into thinking that this is all we deserve and this is all we need; that we should be satisfied with domesticity. It's a really sad part of the world we live in. Imagine the incredible feats that could have been achieved by now if women were encouraged to do all of the things that men are encouraged to do. Does it make sense to deprive the world of the unique intellect of fifty percent of population solely based on the fact that this fifty percent contains a significant amount of uteri? No. No, it does not make sense. And, yes, every day new doors are opening and more women are becoming involved in science, mathematics, mechanics, etc. and that's fantastic! But how are we going to completely dissolve this gender divide if we still have stupidity such as separate Kinder Surprises for boys and girls? I'd like to propose a boycott against all toys, candies, books, etc. that are gender discriminative. Maybe tell your friends or relatives with young children about the problems it creates. It's hard to be so involved in peoples' lives, I know, but I feel like the importance of the issue kind of outweighs the privacy of parenthood in this aspect. I might be getting a little too "all-up-in-your-face" over here, but I'm tired and I just really care about this. Thanks for reading.
And for the love of Darwin, please go buy some Ben and Jerry's so I can live vicariously through you. Goodnight.
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