Sing, Sang, Sung.

     Today, I just want to talk about how much I love being in a choir.
   
     I never really understood sports, ever. I liked gym class because there was no competition, I love to pedal bike, I love yoga, I like to walk around to places sometimes; you know, easy, fun stuff. I never understood why everyone loved full-contact, violent, bloody, primal sports. I couldn't share the passion. And I always felt extremely left out because of that, but I just couldn't force myself to do it. To me, sports are always super fun when you're just playing outside with your cousins because the weather is great, but competitive team sports actually make me want to vomit. I played soccer for three years and for the whole three years, I swear,  I was actually either a) on the bench or b) hiding. It was a disgrace, really. Don't get me wrong, I think it is so bad ass when people like sports and play them, I'm just sharing my opinion/personal experiences.

     Anyways, I figure that the reason people like to be punched in the face by basketballs so much is because they get to do it with people beside them who support them, love them, and have things in common with them. Teams, groups, clubs, alliances, guilds, etc. all have support and love. Basically, they're like a family but with people who actually understand you, and what could ever be better than that? This, my internet friends, is why I love choir.

     I've always loved singing. Ever since I could talk, I could sing. But I always did it alone and I didn't know any different. I joined choir in junior high, but it was a group of tone-deaf girls and one boy who all tried to sing in unison and ended up singing cluster chords. Anyways, the first time I heard a choral piece was in grade 10. This was also the first time I'd seen a piece of music with four parts. I was terrified. But the second I could feel I was singing the right note, and the second I could feel the basses, the tenors and the altos singing their right notes at the same moment as me, I knew that choir was where I belonged; I knew that choir would always be where I belonged. I understood, in that moment, why people liked team sports. I knew that everyone else in that room felt the same thing I felt. I knew that we all understood how incredible it was that these sounds were being made with our bodies; that this music was being made by muscles. It's magic. There's no other word to describe it.

     My choir is my second home. The people there understand what I do. When I try to explain to my parents that it's possible for a person to sing two notes at once or that when a chord is sung perfectly in tune, notes simply appear because of said perfection, I get a "That's nice, dear." And I'm not saying I don't love my parents, or that they don't appreciate what I do, they just don't understand it on the level that my choir family does. There is no other place in the world where you hear the words, "A tritone? YES!", or "Dude, your falsetto is fucking sweet." Every single person understands why the person beside them is standing there. We're all connected on such a different level than other people. I have a support group, I have fellow musicians who I can discuss my ideas with, and I have friends for life.

     Okay, I'm done gushing. I hope you all have a special group of people whom you can share your lives with. Have a nice night.
   

Hey, You're Awesome.

     Oh my god, I'm writing two days in a row. Does this make me...productive?
   
     So, I've been reading some stuff and talking to some people, because generally, those are both things that I like to do, and I've come up with some more words to project onto your screens. Cool?

     First of all, I had an insanely beautiful, honest, helpful, and just plain old fun Valentine's Day party with my girlfriends. Oooooh, the aggressive girl with the hateful blog is single! Big shocker, right? I know. Anyways, it was wonderful and it was definitely the most rewarding Valentine's Day I've ever had. I usually don't like to get to know people really quickly because I have a hard time connecting to people. I've realized over the past few months that I'm naturally a pretty introverted person and I'm learning to accept that, but these women made me feel welcomed and at home with them and with myself, so it was really easy for me to be open with them about my life. (Why am I being so personal?) The point of this story is to tell you what I learned from my group of single ladies. I'm not sure what exactly got us on the topic of self-confidence, but as we all know, every heart-to-heart talk between women has to touch on the subject in some way. As we were discussing this, one of my friends just flat out said, "You know, I don't know why it's so hard for people to like themselves. I think I'm pretty fucking awesome." And I just died. I was so happy in that moment. And then it got better. Another one of my friends said in response, "I know what you mean. Like, fuck, if you have nothing going for you, but you have confidence, at least you have confidence and that's something." Can you believe that I found friends this cool? I can't. I feel so honoured to know these women. They're so confident and sexy and sure of themselves in every way, it makes me feel really comforted to know that I have them at my side. I need everyone who's reading this right now to understand that they're right. Even if you have a big nose, weird lips, a funny laugh, or a crooked tooth, you have to rock that shit. You have to hold your head high and wear your flaws as if they're diamonds. You need to be confident because even if you feel as though you have nothing, you have confidence, and that is something. I don't know you, but I know you're strong. Have a little confidence; it'll go a long way.

     Side note: Before I go on to my "Secondly and lastly," bit here, I just want to say that I don't believe all men feel/act this way towards feminists. I'm not a man hater and I never will be a man hater. This is just the reality of the situation in some cases and that's what I will be addressing. If you're a man, I love you and I know that if you're reading this blog, you don't give the ladies any trouble. I respect you.

     Secondly and lastly, for the love of all things that evolution created, don't let men tell you that your feminism is reverse sexism. It's not. Unless, of course, you're saying that men are inherently bad or less than you. Then of course it's reverse sexism. But I know you're not like that, girls. You just want equality and love, right? You want to be seen as just as good as men are and I understand that. Every woman in the world understands that. The only reason that men ever say, "That's reverse sexism!" is simply because they're intimidated by your strength. Men know that women are treated as weaker, more fragile, less able, and less respectable forms of human life. The reason that these men are scared of your strength is because they don't want to be like you. They know that you're disrespected. They know that you're scared to walk home by yourself at night. They know that you might be afraid to let people see you without makeup on. And they don't want to switch roles with you. They don't want to be afraid. They don't want you to have the power and for them to be left as the second sex. Therefore, they tell you you're being a reverse sexist. So don't take it personally, okay? It's important that you know that you so entirely deserve to be respected and equal and you don't deserve to take any shit from anyone who says/implies otherwise.

     It's late, but I had a nap today, so I'm doing alright. I'm reading "Vagina" by Naomi Wolf and that's where all of this fiery girl power is stemming from. I like it. Goodnight.

Blog, Blog, Blog.

     Last night, I had a revelation.
     My friends introduced me to this band from Calgary, Alberta called Boreal Sons about a year ago. They're fucking great. Like, unbelievable. And the best part about it is that they don't even realize how fantastic they are. They're super nice guys and they're always willing to talk to you after shows, which is really nice. Anyways, last night, I went to see them play (for the third time) and it was the best thing I've ever seen. Better than any other time I've seen them, better than any other show I've seen. I was absolutely overwhelmed by how many emotions I felt at one time. And then it hit me:
     No matter how bad things are and no matter how drastically things change, Boreal Sons are always going to fucking rule. They're always going to make fantastic music. And that made me feel better about EVERYTHING. I feel like it's kind of hard to explain that kind of emotion and comfort, but I hope that you experience it one day, because it's the most reassuring thing I've ever felt. You might not feel such a deep connection to Boreal Sons, but maybe you can feel that in a different way. Like, your grandma is always going to think you're precious, you know? No matter how many people tell you you're nerdy or stinky or loud or whatever, your grandma will ALWAYS love you. And that should make you feel really good, I think.
     I just needed to tell people about that. Go see Boreal Sons if you ever get the chance, also.

     I'd also like to talk about women, obviously. I've decided that I'm going to start doing a "Woman of the Week" post, and I'd like to start that today! So, here we go: If you've never heard of Die Antwoord, go punch yourself in the leg and then YouTube that suff. The first time I heard them, I was scared. Legitimately terrified. Most of that has to do with the content of their music videos. Don't get me wrong, I love all of them, they're just very shocking and hard to get used to. But once you're past the initial shock, it's like your world has just opened up into a beautifully fucked up dream.
     Yolandi Visser is one of the most amazing women I have ever witnessed do anything. First of all, she's a female rapper. Yes, we have Nicki Minaj, but what Yolandi does is so different. It's hard to even put her in any type of genre, really. AND THAT'S MY FAVOURITE THING ABOUT HER. Not only is her music unique, but her looks and her approach to her work are so unlike anything I've ever seen. She's so beautiful, so comfortable with herself and her body and her sexuality and that really comes through in her art. Her concepts are incredible and sometimes offensive, but it's just her, you know? It's just her in her element and it's lovely. I don't think there's anything more satisfying, as a woman, than seeing another woman succeed because she's being herself.
     You know what? I'm going to make this so easy for you. If you want to see how bad ass Yolandi is, watch this video:

http://youtu.be/8Uee_mcxvrw

     I'm gonna make this SUPER easy for you. Here's Boreal Sons:

http://youtu.be/-SID_Ixezbc

    I want to say I'm sorry for how fuzzy and scattered this post is, but I'm not. I feel fuzzy and scattered and I think it's fair that that's reflected in my writing. Have a nice day!

   

You're a Human, I'm a Human. Just Be Nice.

     I'm trying to write a lot more regularly than I have been. I think it's important to write often. Sometimes I feel like I have a lot to say and sometimes I don't, but I think it's important to put stuff down either way.
     I'm feeling really scatter brained today, and I don't think this is going to be long, so here we go. This post might be a little offensive to some readers, so use your discretion. If you don't like bad words, don't read it.
     I've been thinking a lot recently about a few specific words. Words that I've always known to be rude and harsh and hard to hear: "Cunt, Bitch, Pussy". Now, you might be cringing a little bit as you read that and I definitely don't blame you. All of those words just sound inappropriate and dirty to most people, which is completely normal. We've been conditioned to think of those words as scary and offensive. The main reason I started paying attention to those three words is because they all have something in common. I guess the first thing they have in common is that they might be the most offensive words we have in the English language. But I think the more important tie between all three is the fact that they ALL HAVE TO DO WITH WOMEN. 

What the fuck.

     I can't figure out why this never occurred to me before. All three of these words are associated with being a woman. Is that why they're offensive? Is that why it hurts boys' feelings so much when they get called a "pussy" while they're playing a game of hockey? Because it has to do with being a woman? I can't help but think that it does. There hasn't been a generation in our society yet to grow up with pure equality among the sexes. Sure, we're getting closer and closer every day, but everyone knows that we're not there yet. This is especially evident when these kind of insults are the most hurtful. And who even thinks about it, you know? I didn't even think about it until right now! Do you think your uncle ever thought to himself, "You know, this might really have negative societal consequences..." when he said to you, "You throw like a girl, dude!" Of course he didn't. We're conditioned to accept that that's the way things are. Women are weaker and of lesser value, therefore, being like a woman or similar to a woman, makes you weak and less of a person. Why else would people be so offended by the idea of being compared to a girl? I know for a fact that if someone told me I threw a ball like a man, I would feel powerful and unstoppable. Doesn't that make you sad? That there's such a HUGE gap between genders? Yes, women and men are different. Of course they're different, everyone knows that. But to see one gender as better than the other is a fucking disgrace. I can't express that enough.

     So, as a woman, I'd like to take back the word "bitch". The views of people aren't going to change overnight, of course, but if I start saying to my girl friends, "Chick, you're a strong bitch!", maybe it'll catch on. Who knows? All I know is that women need to start being proud of being women, and it's hard to do that when we're constantly hearing, "You fucking pussy!", "You lost to a girl? That's embarrassing", "Grow up, you're such a little bitch", etc. So the next time you hear someone use a word that is associated with women in a derogatory way, maybe say, "Hey dude, that's not cool. Use a different word." Just defend your gender, ladies. You know you deserve respect. 

     In other news, I just found out that there's a conspiracy theory behind "Adventure Time" that says the show is set in a post-apocolyptic universe and that's why it's a big deal that Finn is a human, because he's the last one, and Jake is the result of some radioactive explosion or something. Best show ever. 

     I still haven't started a food blog because I'm still trying to get my life together. I might just start posting pictures of food off of the internet that make me really hungry. That would be good, right?

     Anyways, thank you for reading this. I really, really, really appreciate the time of anyone who even looks over what I say. This is my favourite thing to do and it really means a lot to me that people care enough to read through it. Take care. 

It's Going To Be Okay, Okay?

     Today, I 'd like to say that it's okay to be sad.
     Life sucks sometimes. Life sucks sometimes a lot. For fuck sakes, I just ate a bag of chips and a half a jar of Nutella for supper. A small part of that decision has to do with the fact that I live alone now and can do those things without being judged, but I digress...
     If you're sad today, embrace it. Cry. Buy fifty chocolate bars. Look at pictures of Ryan Gosling without a shirt on. Pet your cat extra lots. Or your fish, if you have limited resources. Do whatever the hell you need to do and don't let anyone tell you that you shouldn't be doing it.
     Everyone has problems and that's hard for others to understand sometimes. Your friends might think that you've been acting sad for too long after a hard break-up or a death in the family. But they don't feel the way you feel, dude. So you stay that way as long as you need to, okay?
     And then when you're ready, change it.
     I don't know if I like to be personal or not on this blog yet, but I'm going to be vaguely personal for a few sentences. I just recently went through the worst thing that's ever happened to me (not an exaggeration) and I'm still going through it. Every day I wake up and remember. I remember everything. And I'm furious constantly. I cry every day. I've been this way for almost three months. And I don't know when it's going to be over. I'm not saying this because I want attention or anything like that, I can handle it myself. I'm just sharing.
     So, the point of this personal, emotional bullshit is to tell you that I'm trying to change it now. I don't know if it's time for me to change it, but I would really like to remember what being happy feels like, so I'm doing my best. Wanna know how I'm doing it? SURE YOU DO!
     1. I started a journal. I write in it as often as I can and I write things I want to remember, things I don't want to remember, things I should have realized by now but haven't, things I love, things I need to say to people but can't, etc. I write as much as I possibly can. And it really helps me. I don't know if it'll help you, but it's worth a try, right?
     2. I've started completely immersing myself in everything that I love. It took me a while to be able to do anything but mope for a while, but I just recently started reading again (NAOMI WOLF) and I love it. I think if you're into reading, the best thing to read if you're sad is something you can completely relate to. Naomi Wolf writes about vaginas. Hey! I have one of those! You know? Read something that makes you feel less alone. Other than reading, I've been singing steady. I'm in choir, so that helps. And writing. I've been writing a lot of stuff. Basically, I've just been giving myself homework so that I can focus on that.
     3. Hang out with your fucking mom. I don't care what anyone says, this is what will make you feel better about your life, ultimately. Mom cuddles. Nothing better.
     4. Eat. Eat a lot.
     I'm not giving in to my sadness. I know that this isn't me and there's no way I'm going to let it control me forever. It's controlling me now, yes, but I'm trying my hardest to make sure it doesn't control me for any longer than it already has. Don't give in to your sadness.
     My best friend in the whole world told me that if you have nothing else and you can't think of a reason to live anymore, think of how it smells after it rains, and that's enough.    

Four Hours of Sleep in Forty-Eight Hours.

Right now, I'm sitting in front of a computer.

Someone, somewhere, right now, is in the process of hearing their favourite song for the first time.

Someone is drinking milk out of the carton and sneakily putting it back in the fridge.

Someone is making a bed.

Someone is shouting at a sporting event.

Someone is studying for an economics class.

Someone is the happiest they have ever been and ever will be.

Right now, someone is making eggs.

Someone is travelling by train through Europe.

Someone is starting to fall in love.

Someone is vacuuming their carpet. 

Right now, the person I love the most in the world doesn't love me back. 

Someone is learning how to tie a neck tie for the first time. 

Someone is just waking up.

Someone is very happy with the way their skin feels. 

A baby is halfway through being born.

Someone just took a bite out of an apple.

Someone is seeing the best movie they've ever seen for the first time.

Someone is cuddling with their mom.

Right now, I'm drinking peppermint tea.

Someone is rearranging books on a shelf in their room.

Someone is exploring the Great Barrier Reef. 

Someone is realizing how badly they want to pursue stamp collecting.

Someone just broke a world record. 

Someone is having the best sex they've ever had.

Someone is having okay sex.

Someone just bought a new puppy. 

A superstitious person just spilled salt.

Right now, I'm going to sleep.