Why I Hate "Kinder Surprise": A Memoir

     Hey, kids! I hope everyone had a great spring break (too pedagogical?)! To start things off, I love you and your hair looked fabulous today. A quick update on my life: I've recently run out of Ben and Jerry's, so I have resorted to eating Greek yogurt which turns into real yogurt if you stir it a lot and I like that. Also, I shaved my legs, so that was cool.
     I think that the whole "society-based-around-gender" thing is really getting to me. I can't think about anything else. Whenever anyone in my life says anything, I immediately have to analyze whether or not it was prejudiced. This might have to do with my self-diagnosed OCD, but I'm also thinking that it's actually just ridiculous and I'm sick to death of people putting up with this point of view.
     For starters, on Easter, I received from my unassuming, beautiful, intelligent, independent relative a Kinder Surprise - for girls. My heart broke. I think I actually died a little bit inside. I had heard of these  from a friend and we discussed the topic pretty thoroughly. I have a few things to say about it. First of all, fuck you, Kinder Surprise. Fuck you for going along with the patriarchal assumption that girls are less intelligent and therefore we need to receive little kitty bracelets or miniature Barbie dolls as presents instead of stuff that we can actually build with our brains, you jerks. I hate you. Fuck you for making them pink and fuck you for creating a gender divide among a younger generation. I wish I could have presented that in a more polite manner, but it was impossible, so there you have it. Second of all, I'm really sad that my relative didn't see an issue with this. I have a seven year-old cousin whom I adore more than any other child I've ever known and I spent most of my Easter with him. He, of course, received a "boy" Kinder Surprise. When I opened mine and found a bracelet, I told him that I didn't want it and asked him if he waned it. He replied with a simple, "No, people would make fun of me." I said, "But I wouldn't make fun of you." And his final word on the subject was, "Not everyone is like you." I teared up a little. I feel like some of you might think that was an overdramatic response, but I don't. He's already been exposed to the opinion of society that he would be seen as "odd" or "not normal" if he wore a bracelet. He's been taught that there are boys and girls, and boys have boy toys and girls have girl toys and they don't mix. And that makes me really upset. He is, without a doubt, the smartest seven year-old I've ever known (he's beaten me at chess on several different occasions) yet society has already started to get the best of him. I guess the best I can do for him at this point is try to weasel myself into his life and continue to try to convince him that it would be okay for him to paint his toenails if he wanted to. Thirdly, and lastly, I'm really mad at myself for not saying anything about this. It's hard to correct someone who a) is older than you and has more life experience and b) you have a lot of respect for. The issue is, though, is that if my relative would have said, "Here's a Kindersurprise for the black kid and a different, better one for the white kid!", I would have freaked out, you know? Gender is such a touchy topic with so many people because, for some insanely idiotic reason, we aren't at the point yet where it's absurd for girls and boys to be treated as separate species. So, yes, I should have said something, and I'm still kicking myself. One of my personal goals is to become more vocal in my belief system, especially in situations like that. It's really tough to build up to, but I think that the more I do it, the easier it will become.
     I have a really hard time with stuff like this because even though parents and teachers and guardians don't think this kind of thing is harmful, it is. That's not even an opinion either, because there's evidence. How many young women are in school for engineering right now? I don't have any exact numbers handy, but I know, personally, five or six people who are taking engineering and not one of them is a girl. I'd say that's a pretty normal statistic in other schools and cities as well. The reason that a lot of women (myself included) believe that they cannot handle the academic challenges of engineering is that we grew up with this constant reminder that boys were better at that stuff. Boys got to play with Lego and cars, but we got to play with dolls and kitchens and tea sets. This is what we come familiar with and this is what we evolve into. I'm not saying that this is true for all women, but a fair amount of girls grow up in an environment where these are the play things that are readily available. (And I'm also not saying that being a wife or a mother as a profession is something that a woman should be ashamed of or looked down upon for. I believe that a socially conscious woman should be able to do whatever she wants to do, I'm just arguing this from a "forced-upon-us-by-the-patriarchy" standpoint.) A child doesn't bother to question why she is given certain toys; she's a child. This thoughtless indoctrination into a certain lifestyle isn't even at the fault of the parents. We, as women, are pressured by society into thinking that this is all we deserve and this is all we need; that we should be satisfied with domesticity. It's a really sad part of the world we live in. Imagine the incredible feats that could have been achieved by now if women were encouraged to do all of the things that men are encouraged to do. Does it make sense to deprive the world of the unique intellect of fifty percent of population solely based on the fact that this fifty percent contains a significant amount of uteri? No. No, it does not make sense. And, yes, every day new doors are opening and more women are becoming involved in science, mathematics, mechanics, etc. and that's fantastic! But how are we going to completely dissolve this gender divide if we still have stupidity such as separate Kinder Surprises for boys and girls? I'd like to propose a boycott against all toys, candies, books, etc. that are gender discriminative. Maybe tell your friends or relatives with young children about the problems it creates. It's hard to be so involved in peoples' lives, I know, but I feel like the importance of the issue kind of outweighs the privacy of parenthood in this aspect. I might be getting a little too "all-up-in-your-face" over here, but I'm tired and I just really care about this. Thanks for reading.
     And for the love of Darwin, please go buy some Ben and Jerry's so I can live vicariously through you. Goodnight.

Big Ol' Post About Books and Gender, Kids.

     Hola, friends! I'm always like, "Hey Jenelle, go to bed early, you nerd. You're going to be so tired at work tomorrow." And then I disregard my intelligent, sleep-deprived self and continue on doing things that make my brain work at twice it's natural rate. So, if I ever yell at you, it's out of pure insomnia-driven rage and that's all, okay? I still like you.
     I've got several things to say and all of them are restless, late-night thoughts, but they still mean something to me, so I'd like to share.
     I started reading this book a few hours ago and it's called "Self". It's by an author named Yann Martel ("Life of Pi") and it's bloody brilliant. I have so much to say about it and I'm only about sixty pages in. Have you ever tried reading a book when you were having a hard time or you were really mulling something over and the book just didn't fit with your current state/attitude? Yeah, this is the complete opposite of that. This book is exactly what I need to be reading in my life right now and I wish I had about fifty-one more copies that I could lend out to others so we could all read it at the same time and have feels and chats together. I haven't even gotten to the main plot line yet (I won't give it away but I already know it since it's on the back of the book for some ridiculous reason and I've already ruined the surprise for myself due to the publisher's stupidity...), but so far, the book is about a boy discovering his gender/sexuality. Until about the twentieth page, I had no idea whether or not the main character was a girl or a boy. I get this feeling from the book like the idea is for you to grow up with him and discover things along side him. He doesn't realize what gender is until kindergarten, partly because his parents are gods (I aspire to raise my children in this way exactly - see latter paragraphs) and partly because I feel that's the way all children see themselves until a certain point. We follow the character through his discovery of differences in gender, intellectual capacity, homosexuality, bullying, masturbation, etc. It's all there! And it's all fantastic! Every single adolescent has gone through this sort of self discovery and it's magnificent to relive it through the eyes of another person.
     As I already mentioned, the parents of the protagonist (still not sure whether or not he has any sort of name) are exactly what I long to be with my children. He explains how, through his childhood, they loved him the perfect amount. They never stuck their noses where they didn't need to be, but they were always in the background. His mother worked from home on her Ph.D and his father worked in an office. My most favourite thing about these dream parents is that the protagonist never felt as though there were gender roles in his home. He felt that his parents were both equally affectionate, equally hard-working and equally present. They both cooked equal amounts and neither of them were very good at it and he felt that he simply would never be able to pick a favourite parent because they were both integral to his life by the same degree. I think that's absolutely magnificent. Also, the fact that they never put a stress on gender allowed this child to be whoever he felt he needed to be. There was no added external pressure from his parents whatsoever, and I see that as being hugely important. If there's one thing I want my children to feel, it's freedom. I don't want my children to feel that they need to be anything they weren't meant to be. These parents also didn't have any sort of religious influence on their child. In the book, the protagonist moves from Paris to the United States during his early teenage years. On his first day of school, he gets called a "faggot" because his hair is long and this is what follows: "If a friend of mine in Paris had confessed that he was in love with a Simon or a Peter, I would have compared notes with him on my love for Mary Ann. Gender in matters of love struck me as of no greater consequence than flavours in ice cream. I imagine the absence of religion in my upbringing was one factor that had allowed this belief to survive." This young boy had no preconceptions of what a man or a woman "should" look like by society's standards because his parents didn't instil that sort of stereotypical bullshit in him from a young age. This kid was as free as they come, and that's more important to me than I can ever begin to explain.
     As a result of this freedom and some rad feminist parents (oh, did I forget to mention the parents are feminists too? Parents of the year over here...), the protagonist is fascinated by human sexuality. And not even in a strictly biological sense, but in a dream-like sense. He loves humans and the way they are. At this point in the book, there's no indication as to whether he prefers men or women or if he prefers one over the other at all, he's just fascinated by all human bodies. My favourite part so far, in this regard, is the instance in which he talks about female menstruation. Now, I haven't talked about this before and honestly, it's not because I don't think it's worth talking about, it's just because it never really crossed my mind. Menstruation has been a part of my life since I was very young and I just never think to talk about it because it's so regular to me. But this section of the book kind of opened my eyes to how lovely and lucky I am as a woman to have such a wonder inside of my body. His ideas on the subject: "Though for girls it seemed considerably less than a thrill, and certainly never an aesthetic or transcendental experience, I was always fascinated by the female menstrual cycle... I felt that there was a latent unity among women, a unity for which I could find no equivalent among boys, try as I might. We were orphans among sisters. A girl could fight and be nasty, mock and degrade, pour forth pure venom from her mouth, cut herself off from everyone - yet still be connected by that melody of blood."My word. If every single person could share that feeling of awe over such a primal bodily instinct, I don't know what the world would be like. Girls, if that passage doesn't make you feel deeply special and divine in your sisterhood, I don't know what will.
     This ambiguity between genders and sexualities and different types of love is really what I've been trying to figure out in my life over these past few weeks. I don't feel obligated to prove myself to anyone and that isn't why I'm going to say what I'm about to say, I just want to let you know where I stand as an individual. I'm a woman and I absolutely relish in being a woman. I like my body the way it is and I feel that I am personally in the right physical body to compliment my mind. I'm primarily attracted to men, but I'm also attracted to women on a different sort of level. I'm very comfortable with my sexuality. I know a lot of homosexual people, people who don't have any sort of preference, and people who don't really identify with any sexuality or gender at all. Reading this book has opened my eyes even more to this reoccurring question that I have with all of this - does it really matter? By that, I don't mean you shouldn't openly proclaim and be proud of who you are as an individual; I'm all for that! What I mean is, why shouldn't the people in my life who I love and care about deeply and feel for be able to do whatever they want to do without being judged? This whole "we-live-in-a-black-and-white-world-pick-one-or-the-other" bullshit that we've had to deal with up until now has gone too far. I've said it before and I'll say it again - it's 2013, guys. We really need to get our junk together. I'm not trying to speak for others and I hope I'm not offending anyone who is directly affected by the sexual discrimination of our generation, I just hope that I can reach out to those who aren't already fighting for equality. We're all a minority in one way or another. I don't care if you're African, homosexual, straight, Hispanic, Canadian, bisexual, female, etc. You have the responsibility to stand up for others. When there's inequality in the system, we have to balance it out with love and awareness and stuff, you know? Bring equality to the attention of all of your friends. Whether it's marriage for all, inequality in women's salaries, white-only golf courses in the U.S., illegal abortion in some states, etc. Just get the word out there.
     I know a lot of this post (most of this post) is excerpts from "Self", but reading is cool, man. Get out there and snatch yourself a copy of this book. Put on your reading glasses and do some digging in any old hunk of pages, for that matter! I'm sure you'll find something that will speak to you the way that "Self" is speaking to me. I hope you all sleep a lot more than I do - that would make me really happy. Call someone you love and tell them, okay? Bye.

Sing, Sang, Sung.

     Today, I just want to talk about how much I love being in a choir.
   
     I never really understood sports, ever. I liked gym class because there was no competition, I love to pedal bike, I love yoga, I like to walk around to places sometimes; you know, easy, fun stuff. I never understood why everyone loved full-contact, violent, bloody, primal sports. I couldn't share the passion. And I always felt extremely left out because of that, but I just couldn't force myself to do it. To me, sports are always super fun when you're just playing outside with your cousins because the weather is great, but competitive team sports actually make me want to vomit. I played soccer for three years and for the whole three years, I swear,  I was actually either a) on the bench or b) hiding. It was a disgrace, really. Don't get me wrong, I think it is so bad ass when people like sports and play them, I'm just sharing my opinion/personal experiences.

     Anyways, I figure that the reason people like to be punched in the face by basketballs so much is because they get to do it with people beside them who support them, love them, and have things in common with them. Teams, groups, clubs, alliances, guilds, etc. all have support and love. Basically, they're like a family but with people who actually understand you, and what could ever be better than that? This, my internet friends, is why I love choir.

     I've always loved singing. Ever since I could talk, I could sing. But I always did it alone and I didn't know any different. I joined choir in junior high, but it was a group of tone-deaf girls and one boy who all tried to sing in unison and ended up singing cluster chords. Anyways, the first time I heard a choral piece was in grade 10. This was also the first time I'd seen a piece of music with four parts. I was terrified. But the second I could feel I was singing the right note, and the second I could feel the basses, the tenors and the altos singing their right notes at the same moment as me, I knew that choir was where I belonged; I knew that choir would always be where I belonged. I understood, in that moment, why people liked team sports. I knew that everyone else in that room felt the same thing I felt. I knew that we all understood how incredible it was that these sounds were being made with our bodies; that this music was being made by muscles. It's magic. There's no other word to describe it.

     My choir is my second home. The people there understand what I do. When I try to explain to my parents that it's possible for a person to sing two notes at once or that when a chord is sung perfectly in tune, notes simply appear because of said perfection, I get a "That's nice, dear." And I'm not saying I don't love my parents, or that they don't appreciate what I do, they just don't understand it on the level that my choir family does. There is no other place in the world where you hear the words, "A tritone? YES!", or "Dude, your falsetto is fucking sweet." Every single person understands why the person beside them is standing there. We're all connected on such a different level than other people. I have a support group, I have fellow musicians who I can discuss my ideas with, and I have friends for life.

     Okay, I'm done gushing. I hope you all have a special group of people whom you can share your lives with. Have a nice night.