Once again, Instagram has opened my eyes to some pretty interesting view points. Who knew that it was good for anything more than just bubble bath leg selfies and pictures of kittens? My brain hasn't elaborated on what I was presented with very extensively yet, but I'm just gonna tell you what I read and how I feel and that's all.
I stumbled upon a picture of a young girl. It read: "When we force children to submit to unwanted affection in order not to offend a relative or hurt a friend's feelings, we teach them that their bodies do not really belong to them because they have to push aside their own feelings about what feels right to them. This leads to children getting sexually abused, teen girls submitting to sexual behaviour so 'he'll like me' and kids enduring bullying because everyone is 'having fun'." - Irene van der Zande.
Now, like I said, I haven't had much time to think about this. Also, I haven't done any deep research yet on van der Zande (she seems amazing so far - definitely a Person of the Week candidate), so I'm not quite sure where exactly she stands on a lot of things. But at first ponder, it really does make sense. There are also some things about it that I disagree with, or at least want to correct so it makes sense in the context that I'm addressing it in. First of all, I don't believe that all sexual abuse is the result of parenting or faulted guidance. I'm sure that van der Zande isn't saying that forced submission to adults is the only reason for sexual abuse, but I think it's important to point out this flaw anyway. Sexual abuse is the result of the sexual abuser. Nothing before the incident could have stopped the abuse and it is wrong make this the fault of parenting in most cases (you get it). Secondly, I don't believe that teenage girls always "submit" to males. Women enjoy sex as much as men do. A lot of young, adolescent women are enticed by and curious about the idea of sexual activity and there is nothing wrong with that in any sense. I will say, though, that it is definitely a lot easier for young women to be taken advantage of in sexual situations than it is for men and this sort of thing happens way too frequently.
I do, generally though, agree with van der Zande's point so far (please enlighten me if you disagree - I'd love to hear what other people think). Why should children be forced to be so giving of themselves so lightly? I know, like most childhood experiences, at the time, it doesn't seem like a big deal to the parent or to the child. I've mentioned things like this in my blog before (e.g. Men saying to young boys "You throw like a girl!", not allowing boys to play with dolls or pink things, etc.). But it's the long-lasting societal and emotional effects that are important in situations like this, as van der Zande is saying. What are we teaching children if we force them into uncomfortable, intimate situations and expect them to like it? At what sort of value are we putting their feelings? I can actually remember a few occasions during my childhood in which I was forced to hug a certain relative when I really didn't want to because I knew and felt, even as a child, that this person was a stranger to me. I believe that young children should be taught that their bodies are exactly that: theirs. By telling a child to hug or kiss or hold the hand of someone they do not know, we are a) casting aside their feelings as completely unimportant or of lesser importance than our own and b) controlling them and teaching them that control by others is okay. It's not okay. Children are humans and humans have instincts; therefore, children have instincts (your basic logic lesson for the day, ladies and gentlemen). Internal, primal, gut instincts of any person should not be ignored. Sure, there's room for negotiation and conversation at times, but a child's decisions should at least be acknowledged, especially by someone as important and integral to their personal growth as their parents.
Again, I'd love to hear some alternate opinions or add-ons to what was said here. Sorry that it's definitely underdeveloped and not as awesome as it could be, but I'll get there. I'm going to think about it more and I'll probably write about this again.
Also, the Instagram account that I get all of this sick shit from is called "justanotherfeminist". It's pretty neat. Have a nice night. I'm going to go eat a lot of desserts now.
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