Heart to Heart, Amirite?

  Reader discretion is advised.  

     First off, fuck apartment hunting and fuck the university bookstore. I have never been so stressed out in my life. This stress not only stems from having a lot less money than I need to have, but also comes from this overwhelming feeling of frustration due to just not knowing how things are going to turn out. Yeah, I have to pay a lot for text books, but my life would be triple less stressful (ignore my grammar choices - they are faulty) if I EVEN KNEW WHICH BOOKS I NEEDED. Shitsakes.
     Secondly, I recently discovered that I suffer from something called "tryphobia" which means I have a terrible fear of holes in things. Shout out to Liz for helping me figure that one out and being my comrade! Nasty stuff.
     Thirdly, I'd like to talk about political leadership. I hope it isn't hard for people to take me seriously after I talk about such trivial things in my introductions. If it is, whoops.
     Recently, I made a Facebook status regarding environmental issues in Canada. Not even necessarily environmental issues, but Obama's views on our response to environmental crisis. I know that people have different views on how damaged the environment is and whether or not it is actually something that needs to be discussed, but that's not what I'm talking about here either. The article discussing this stuff was in the Edmonton Sun, which I hate with a fiery passion that consumes every muscle tissue in my deepest heart of hearts. I could almost probably definitely write a whole damn blog post on how much I despise the Edmonton Sun, but I digress. The article was written about a speech that Obama gave discussing Canada's response to it's environmental impact. Obama briefly discussed the possibility of the US cutting off trade with Canada until Canada cleans up it's act. This is a completely reasonable thing to say on Obama's part. He would have said the same thing to any other country that pumped out as many million tons of toxins as we do. The dude knows that the United States isn't doing much better, but he also knows that we produce a lot more toxic emissions than the US does and he recognizes that this makes us responsible for the outcome of these actions. I think Obama's dope, and I definitely agree with him. The article in the Sun was written in a really rude way. Basically, they were telling us, as Canadians, to be angry with Obama. "Obama says we don't know how to take care of our country? Man, we might even lose trading rights with the United States? We should definitely ignore every point this guy makes and just turn the whole country against him, because THAT will secure our trading rights. We're brilliant! Who needs to negotiate?" Guys. Whhaaaaaaaat makes sense about that? Sure, we, as countries, probably disagree on this and sure, it's okay to get a little bit offended when others criticize our actions, but the least we can do is listen and try to compromise, right? Fighting with our only real ally is probably the worst idea ever, so, logic says, WE SHOULD PROBABLY NOT DO THAT.
     After reading this article, a few other things came to my attention. Most people are aware of the detainment of openly homosexual citizens in Russia recently, yes? What is the deal with that? I'm not really educated on the subject (quick little side note: I'm not sure if this is irresponsible of me or whatever, but I don't usually use citations or anything like that because a) my blog posts are mostly all opinion-based and b) I write because I have thoughts about things and I like to write, not to educate people on current events. Whenever I choose to write about something, I have a pretty good idea of what I'm talking about and I just go with that. I hope that doesn't offend people.), but I know enough to think that this is crazy. It also has recently come to my attention that Costa Rica has no standing military, and I think that's great, so I'm looking at two ends of the spectrum here. Here's what I'm trying to get at with this whole spiel, basically: where is the communication between political leaders and why is it so damn hard for people to listen to each other? I know that there's the G8 and G20 and people have meetings all the time, but I just can't understand why these things don't help anyone. Oh, sorry, correction: why these things don't help anything besides the economy. Conversation and interaction between human beings may be the single most powerful form of action there is, so where are the results? Why do we, as a species, always feel the need to immediately cause violence to people who offend us? If you think about it in more minimal terms, it seems really, really silly. For example, if you own a book store and a customer approaches you and says, "This book is stupid and I despise this cover art" and then lights the book on fire in your face, welcome to the American way, you know? I don't understand why violence is always the more appropriate and accepted solution when it is the most inappropriate solution. Why can't Laura Chinchilla and Dmitry Medvedev talk? They might have in the past, I'm not sure, but it wouldn't hurt to try again. A lot of people will read that and think, "But they don't have the same opinion on things! That won't do any good!" That doesn't matter - the least they can do is share some thoughts. I recently came to a conclusion: the definition of an argument is not necessarily persuasion. The reason that people argue is to make the other person think about their point of view - persuasion, if it occurs, is simply the icing on the cake. Agreeing or disagreeing is not the point; the point is thinking about the topic. I could argue for hours with a person who is pro-life about why I'm pro-choice, but I'm not trying to convince them that they're wrong, I just want them to think about it. Arguments are merely suggestions.
     Basically, the point I'm trying to get at here is that things never have to be so "us vs. them". Especially in terms of political leadership. All that leads to is hate, frustration, and war. The more calm we are with our leadership tactics, the safer everything will be for everyone, really. Talking isn't difficult.
     I hope everyone reading this has nice apartments and textbooks for dayzzz. Thanks!

Hypothetically, Would You Be Friends With You?

     Hi. So, I'm not even slightly close to being in school yet and I'm already balls deep in stress.
I have to make a "confirmation deposit" of $175 so all of my classes in my schedule don't get wiped off the face of the planet. BECAUSE THAT'S SO FAIR AND STUDENTS TOTALLY DEFINITELY HAVE AN EXTRA $175. Obviously, I'm mad about this. Deep breaths and donuts though, amirite?
     In other news, I'd like to do a person of the week post. This one goes out to my home girl Jenna Marbles. Jenna recently posted a video on being yourself:

http://youtu.be/6xx_pwu7n-Y

     Now, whether or not you watched that video, I'm going to tell you why it touched my heart. Jenna is one of the most confident, bad ass bitches in the world. I don't always agree with everything she says, but that doesn't make me like her any less. I think disagreeing with people is important in friendships and Jenna Marbles and I are suuuper close friends, so... (I'm lying). The reason Jenna's video touched me so much is because I'm going through this "being yourself" thing in my life right now. Not the whole "discovering-who-I-am-and-writing-terrible-semi-suicidal-song-lyrics-about-what-my-heart-is-truly-trying-to-tell-me-and-eating-ice-cream-for-every-meal" kind of struggle. I never really did exactly that when I was confused about who I was and I don't know why I pulled that scenario out of space, but I feel like everyone has different versions of that whole semi-psychotic phase at some point and maybe one person did that somewhere in time...? I'm not a focused human. Anyways, the struggle that I'm dealing with right now is persevering with my notion of who I am and sticking to my guns, even if people don't like it, if that makes sense. In the video, Jenna talks about how you know that you're truly being yourself when you're the loneliest you've ever been (or something along those lines) because you're at a point where you've completely accepted who you are and, probably, who you are might be a hard thing for others to accept sometimes. AND THAT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE. And the fact that Jenna Marbles is so confident and cool and is also super lonely like me, makes me feel really comforted. Before I get started on this, I don't mean to say that I don't have incredible friends, because I really, really do. I have wonderful friends who accept me and love me and I'm beyond grateful for that. My thing is, though, that I have a hard time being who others (society) expect me (and every other human in the world) to be (robotically polite and perfect in social situations), and that usually results in weird interactions or, like, no interactions at all with the majority of the human race. Holla if I'm not making any sense (and by holla, I mean comment below and I'll try to explain myself more thoroughly). I know a lot of people who are incredibly personable and nice and can strike up a conversation with anyone in any situation, and everyone loves these people - heck, I love these people! - and I always thought, "Shit, why don't people feel as comfortable around me as they do around these people?" And then I realized it's because I'm being myself. That's not to say that these people aren't being themselves - I'm sure they are - but a bubbly, personable, talkative, flamboyant Jenelle is just not something that you'll find under my sexy, but tough exterior. And this video made me realize that that's okay! And that's why I'm lonely! Because I'm being myself! And then I felt so relieved! I really don't want people to read this and be like, "Shit, I think Jenelle might be kind of dumb. It took her watching a Jenna Marbles video to make her realize it's okay to be herself? Yikes, I should not read this blog." Don't think this. Have you ever been walking down the sidewalk, just hating life in general, kicking sticks and rocks around and junk, and then you saw a rainbow, or a duck with baby ducks, or a really cute kitten, or a butterfly on a flower, and then you were like, "Man, life can be kind of beautiful sometimes. Maybe I shouldn't be such a heartless plug."? That's kinda what happened to me in this situation, and I am so thankful that it did. It was a wake-up call of sorts. I don't know when I started getting so personal in these blog posts and I sincerely hope it isn't scaring people off, but I'm not really intent on stopping. I feel so lucky to have the group of friends that I have now, because I don't feel, not even a tiny little bit, like I'm lying about who I am, and they love me anyway. And I am so excited for every single person in the world to reach the point where they feel as content as I do for this reason alone - that people love me because of exactly who I am and I don't have to pretend at all to be anything I'm not. 

     I, Jenelle Dufva, am terrible at small talk, disgustingly unorganized, incredibly witty, fairly book smart, bad at making friends, good at spending money on shoes, super supportive of my sisters, completely void of leadership skills, potentially hypocritical, very granola, and fierce as fuck. I'm lonely sometimes, but most of the time I'm not, because I've got my really great friends who love me and I've got myself. And I think that's pretty cool.  

"Holy Actual Crap, Guys." (The Title of My First Book on Patriarchal Disdain.)

     Hey kids! Guess who's angry again?
     A friend of mine received this from a middle-aged male stranger at a bus stop today.

     The placement of this picture on my post is disgusting (I don't do pictures often), but that isn't the point. Just read this and let it sink in for a second. Now, forget all of the religious garbage. I don't think religion really has anything to do with the opinions of this man, I think it's just something for him to hide behind. Let's get down to the brass tax here. My friend was "rewarded" with this discriminatory note because she was wearing relatively modest clothing. Being modest is cool, guys - whatever. If a person wants to be modest, she should be modest and that's that. That isn't my issue. Correction - that isn't my ISSUES (fuck grammar right now). I don't even know where to begin. You know, I'm gonna make a list. Here we go:

1. "...Satan's influence...". Satan, who is probably a better soul than this man, has nothing to do with clothing. Satan doesn't have anything to do with anything. Satan is a figment of religious peoples' beliefs. Satan does not choose what a woman wears, a woman chooses what she wears - OBVIOUSLY. To shame a woman into thinking that choosing certain clothing makes her like/affiliates her with Satan in any way is a disgusting act, and that alone makes me want to punch this man right in his central belief system. Luckily for my friend, though, she didn't "succumb to Satan's influence", so at least she's safe, right? Fuck.
2. "...shaming and degrading yourself in wearing revealing and inappropriate clothing". Because that's what shame is - being scantily clad. Shame and degradation definitely are not a result of insulting women with condescending pieces of paper - oh no! Shame and degradation stem directly from women doing what they want with their freedom of choice. You know, maybe all women should have a uniform for each season to prevent their hellish behaviour, because apparently people can't deal with seeing our ankles or wrists. Maybe we should all wear head-to-toe body suits? But those would probably be too form-fitting... Maybe all women should just stay inside to prevent anyone being offended by ARMS. 
3. "Thank you for respecting yourself enough...". Give me a fucking break. Are you serious, dude? The amount of fabric on my body in no way represents the amount of respect I have for myself or for others. How can you assume something so horrid just by glancing in my direction? I dare this jerk-off to give women a written an explanation as to why it's okay for us to be bombarded by half-naked women constantly in advertising but it isn't okay for us to wear clothes that don't cover every bit of skin on our bodies, and also, why he is free to wear whatever type of shirt he wants, but if we wear shirts that are shorter than our elbows, we're the spawn of fucking Satan. I bet that if he was forced to explain this, he would find fault in his own reasoning even without anyone else saying anything about it. OPEN YOUR EYES, MAN. Self-respect is to clothes as the colour of the sky is to how fast a train moves: completely irrelevant on every level.
4. The bolded words and the fucking lollipop. As was already pointed out by my Facebook pals, it isn't enough that he insulted every woman in the world by creating this note, but he also had the audacity to help us with our literacy because we're obviously too stupid as a species to understand what certain words mean. And oh, hey! Here's a piece of candy because I'm a man and you're a woman and I'm higher above you in societal ranking and you need a reward for acting the way I want you to act! Good dog! 

     To top off my daily dose of patriarchal garbage, a WOMAN who is no longer my Facebook friend as of twenty minutes ago made a status along the lines of, "If you're going to wear low-cut shirts and booty shorts, you should expect that people are going to judge you. Stop complaining." I'm so furious right now, I can't even deal. As a woman - no, as a PERSON - I have the right to wear anything I want to wear in the universe. I can wear a sari, corduroy pants, a swimming suit, or nothing at all, and that should be okay. To this whole "stop disrespecting yourself", "you should expect this sort of attention", "remain modest" bullshit, I would like to say a big ol' fashioned FUCK YOU. Equality, guys. We, as women, do not need any patriarchal reinforcement telling us that we're "doing it wrong"; that we aren't being "proper". My definition of what is right is exactly that - MY definition. My friend's is hers. We do not need your opinion and we don't need your attitude, okay? Just butt out. Our wardrobes are not your business and you should be ashamed of yourself for thinking otherwise. We're not asking for anything, be it your opinion, your thoughts, your feelings, or your penis - any of it. No one is asking for any of that just by being in public! If a person wants that from you, she will ask, you know? With words. Also, having people make comments about our bodies is not our fault ever. Society makes men (and women too, actually) think it's okay for them to say or do whatever they want when I'm dressed a certain way and that's false. The fact that people don't question these social norms put in place by the patriarchy really freaks me out. The fact that this middle-aged stranger thought that it was okay to even THINK about MAKING any sort of note like this scares me. These are the people that are holding us back, and that makes me really sad because they don't even know they're doing it, you know? Society has raised to them think that it's okay and that we, as women, have to just accept these judgements and move on. We don't and we shouldn't be expected to. We should be able to do, say, and wear whatever we want without people telling us that we're wrong. Yeah, maybe sometimes we are wrong, but who's business is that but our own? And when it comes to clothing, I'm sorry, but we can never be wrong. You wear those pink leg warmers and that nasty yellow knit sweater, girl! It's your choice and that's all. 

     This post isn't as nicely put together as I hoped it would be, but I'm just really angry at the world so that's my excuse. I just hope that one day, all of the women who were given these disgusting notes, or any sort of equivalent, rise up and tell people about it and that maybe it'll convince them even more than the REST OF THE WORLD already has, that we need feminism. We need feminism bad, y'all. That's all I have to say about that right now. Thank you for your time. 

"'Life': A Diary Entry, At Best." (Title Of My First Book)

     I'm at my parents' house and I'm sitting by a warm fireplace. I was about to go to bed but then I got all emotional and stuff, so here I am.
     Sometimes I get really distracted by silly things. Sometimes I worry too much about the shape of my eyebrows, or how my boss will feel about me if I call in sick, or how much money I'm spending on chocolate a month. Sometimes I rant too much or get too angry about things that are out of my control. Sometimes I forget to look at the bigger picture.
     I'm not trying to be artistic with this post or anything, I just have a lot of fucking feelings that I can't really seem to sort out or make sense of. And I know that probably just makes the bulk of this post that much more confusing, but go with me here, okay? Right now, sitting in front of this fire at my parents house, I feel content. I have no idea what tomorrow is going to bring. I have no idea how drastically my feelings might change overnight. I have no idea in what condition my eyebrows will be tomorrow. But, right now, I feel okay. I'm not happy and I'm not sad, but I'm grateful and I feel okay. I forget how lucky I am to be who I am, you know? I'm fucking rad and I have so much to be thankful for (parents, sister, cute cat pictures on the internet, my choir, my best friend, coffee, Project Free TV, etc.) and sometimes that slips my mind. Basically, the reason I'm writing this post tonight is to remind myself to remind myself of these things. Yeah, sometimes (most of the time) my life doesn't work out the way I want it to, but I try to roll with it. Yes, I cry a lot and I can't even bring myself to watch "Les Miserables" because I think I might shrivel into nothing and die afterwards from loss of water via my tear ducts (that's a secret; don't tell any of my choir friends I haven't seen it...). And yes, I take two showers a day (one in the morning and one at night) due to my self-diagnosed OCD (afore mentioned) and because it generally makes me feel better and helps me sleep. Yes, I eat, on average, 1-2 cartons of Ben and Jerry's a week. But you know, what would my life be like if it didn't have a downside? At least my flaws give me motivation to do better. My life is really great and sometimes that slips out of my sights, if you will.
     Maybe you've been having a really hard time too and maybe this will help you rediscover the beauty in your life (I repeat: PROJECT FREE TV). Or maybe this post was just for me - something to help me sort my thoughts and emotions. OR MAYBE THIS WHOLE POST WAS A LIE MWAHAHA. Jokes, it was all true. I wouldn't do that to you guys.
     Well, time for me to turn my brain off now. I hope this was at least slightly entertaining. And hey, now you know my whole life story, so that might be a cool thing. Anyways, just try to calm down and appreciate. Forget about stress and hate. Eliminate. And make a date. With fate. Wow, look at me go!
     I'm actually going to stop being crazy now and put myself in a place where I can no longer type weird spoken word poetry on my blog and wreck it forever. Goodnight.

No Harm, No Foul? No.

     Once again, Instagram has opened my eyes to some pretty interesting view points. Who knew that it was good for anything more than just bubble bath leg selfies and pictures of kittens? My brain hasn't elaborated on what I was presented with very extensively yet, but I'm just gonna tell you what I read and how I feel and that's all.
     I stumbled upon a picture of a young girl. It read: "When we force children to submit to unwanted affection in order not to offend a relative or hurt a friend's feelings, we teach them that their bodies do not really belong to them because they have to push aside their own feelings about what feels right to them. This leads to children getting sexually abused, teen girls submitting to sexual behaviour so 'he'll like me' and kids enduring bullying because everyone is 'having fun'." - Irene van der Zande.
     Now, like I said, I haven't had much time to think about this. Also, I haven't done any deep research yet on van der Zande (she seems amazing so far - definitely a Person of the Week candidate), so I'm not quite sure where exactly she stands on a lot of things. But at first ponder, it really does make sense. There are also some things about it that I disagree with, or at least want to correct so it makes sense in the context that I'm addressing it in. First of all, I don't believe that all sexual abuse is the result of parenting or faulted guidance. I'm sure that van der Zande isn't saying that forced submission to adults is the only reason for sexual abuse, but I think it's important to point out this flaw anyway. Sexual abuse is the result of the sexual abuser. Nothing before the incident could have stopped the abuse and it is wrong make this the fault of parenting in most cases (you get it). Secondly, I don't believe that teenage girls always "submit" to males. Women enjoy sex as much as men do. A lot of young, adolescent women are enticed by and curious about the idea of sexual activity and there is nothing wrong with that in any sense. I will say, though, that it is definitely a lot easier for young women to be taken advantage of in sexual situations than it is for men and this sort of thing happens way too frequently.
     I do, generally though, agree with van der Zande's point so far (please enlighten me if you disagree -  I'd love to hear what other people think). Why should children be forced to be so giving of themselves so lightly? I know, like most childhood experiences, at the time, it doesn't seem like a big deal to the parent or to the child. I've mentioned things like this in my blog before (e.g. Men saying to young boys "You throw like a girl!", not allowing boys to play with dolls or pink things, etc.). But it's the long-lasting societal and emotional effects that are important in situations like this, as van der Zande is saying. What are we teaching children if we force them into uncomfortable, intimate situations and expect them to like it? At what sort of value are we putting their feelings? I can actually remember a few occasions during my childhood in which I was forced to hug a certain relative when I really didn't want to because I knew and felt, even as a child, that this person was a stranger to me. I believe that young children should be taught that their bodies are exactly that: theirs. By telling a child to hug or kiss or hold the hand of someone they do not know, we are a) casting aside their feelings as completely unimportant or of lesser importance than our own and b) controlling them and teaching them that control by others is okay. It's not okay. Children are humans and humans have instincts; therefore, children have instincts (your basic logic lesson for the day, ladies and gentlemen). Internal, primal, gut instincts of any person should not be ignored. Sure, there's room for negotiation and conversation at times, but a child's decisions should at least be acknowledged, especially by someone as important and integral to their personal growth as their parents.
     Again, I'd love to hear some alternate opinions or add-ons to what was said here. Sorry that it's definitely underdeveloped and not as awesome as it could be, but I'll get there. I'm going to think about it more and I'll probably write about this again.
     Also, the Instagram account that I get all of this sick shit from is called "justanotherfeminist". It's pretty neat. Have a nice night. I'm going to go eat a lot of desserts now.