A Bloody Travesty.

     I wasn't going to write this post because, honestly, it's exhausting for me to constantly talk about things that I want to change. Worth it, definitely, but exhausting. And part of me feels like someone is going to read that and say, "Well, this is gonna be another episode of 'Angry Things Jenelle Says' so guess what I'm NOT reading right now" and that's cool. But I'm not angry about this - actually, it's more of a positivity thing, so stick around. I might just impress you with my ability to do positive things! +! (I'm tired and that's almost funny so I'm leaving it there.)

     I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that what I did today was an act against the patriarchy. *cue patriarchy-crushing, egotistical hair toss over shoulder motion*

     About an hour ago, after a long day of doing lots of different stuff and menstruating while doing so (which makes everything a thousand times more frustrating and exhausting), I had to go buy "feminine hygiene products" (cute name for it, hey?). So, here I am in the drug store trying to find the cheapest tampons possible and wondering if maybe I should buy liners as well. The first thing that went through my mind after I considered buying both was, "Man, that's going to make me look so gross." And after realizing that that, the way that I was going to look carrying two boxes instead of one, was more important to me than my own personal comfort while my body goes through its cycles actually made me stop and say out loud, "Ohhh wow that's dumb." So, I grabbed two boxes.
     This particular story is no indication of how all menstruating women feel when they have to buy "feminine hygiene products", so if you're completely comfortable with your body and its cycles and the way society views that, then THANK YOU. But if you're like me and you got sucked into this poisonous vortex of negative connotations having to do with one of the most natural things a person's body is CAPABLE OF, then this is a blog post for you. Personally (I know a lot of other peoples' negative experiences start before this), this fear of my own reproductive organs started when girls and boys were separated in sexual education in junior high. I didn't know what a wet dream was until I was probably sixteen years-old and I'm sure a lot of men who don't menstruate didn't know what a tampon looked like (save those commercials that make them look like dresses or skirts or whatever (WHY).....) either. A) What's the point of that besides trying to keep "mystery" that the opposite sex is supposed to have based on a constructed societal need for a heteronormative male to female romance? B) How is anyone supposed to feel comfortable with the opposite sex in an intimate situation when the fucking PURPOSE of their reproductive organs is not even clear?? I'm a grown ass woman and I was worried about not hiding my tampons and liners because of what people would think of me buying two boxes of a product that's created to hide my reproductive cycles. WHY are we hiding from people? I don't understand why it's necessary for us, in the 21st century, to keep doing this to ourselves. It makes me really upset that some people reading this are going to be uncomfortable and wonder why I would talk about this on the internet. Honestly, I'm sorry that society made you uncomfortable with this because it's not just you, it's me too. I had to convince myself that it was okay to buy products for the functions of my own body because I've been taught to be ashamed of how my own body works.
     Also, even the placement of these products in stores is silly. At the one I went to today, this stuff was on the second floor of a drug store tucked away in the very middle aisle. Rude. One of those little boxes by the cash register full of tampons instead of chocolate bars would be a fucking godsend.
     Mostly, my thing with this is that something like menstruation does not have to be a secret from anyone, especially yourself. If you're a non-menstruating man and you have questions about menstruation or anything, ask someone and don't be afraid to. Ask your girlfriend or mom or me, even, if you want. And if you're a menstruating woman, don't be a meanie, okay? Don't say stuff like, "Ugh, you don't even understand what it's like." Because you're obviously right, a lot of men don't know what it's like, so you don't have to say that. If you want to be understood instead of having people listen to dumb weird myths about menstrual blood and what it even is, be willing to answer questions about it. Being elitist with anything, especially something so damn natural and lovely is just hurting yourself and those around you. Let people know what's up with your cycle, girl.
     The moral of this story is to respect yourself and love what your body can do. Some day that weirdo menstrual stuff might give you a baby, and how cool would that be? Get comfortable with you and your body and be good to yourself and get TWO BOXES. You deserve two boxes. Goodnight.

Why I'm A Soon-To-Be University Dropout.

     Okay, here we go. At the moment, I'm sitting in a Second Cup. I came here because I find it impossible to do homework without people watching me. I'm not motivated to do things on my own, and I figure if I slack off and people are around and I imagine these people thinking, "Man, that girl is really not doing her homework like she's supposed to be doing...", it'll make me feel more inclined to actually do work. This peer pressure study scheme that I've created for myself has failed, friends. And it's not because all of these people around me aren't scary, it's because I hate school. I don't hate school completely, but at this point in my life, what I'm doing right now is not good for me and it's driving me up the wall.
     On New Years Eve, I decided that this was going to be my last semester. That made me really excited because I figured in this semester I would just try to have a lot of fun and not be stressed out, and that seems reasonable, right? Just taking classes that I like solely for the purpose of learning and nothing else. So, I loaded up my course schedule with English, Women's Studies, Philosophy, Classics, and History of Western Music. The first day of classes, I dropped the Western Music class because the textbook was $170 (!!!!%%&$*#&@&$#*). I didn't even go to the class one time. The next day, I dropped Philosophy because my professor was like, "You'll need to have a handle on basic high school algebra" and I was like, "Kay, see ya". A week later, I dropped my Classics course because my prof was the most boring speaker I've ever heard in my life. I know he's probably incredibly intelligent and a really cool guy, but it just didn't work for me. So here I am now - down to two classes, a part-time student. You think it'd be a walk in the park, right? For the most part, it is. I go to class (most of the time) and I take notes on the things I'm supposed to take notes on and I do my assignments the way my profs want me to do them, and a lot of the time I really do enjoy the content. I like listening to these people who have years of experience in their fields tell me about all of these really cool facts, and different ways to read, and think and all of that. It's really nice to see people who are passionate about what they do. I love professors. They're neat people. But on another level, it makes me that much more upset about the fact that I have no idea what I'm doing there. My whole "this semester is going to be fun because I'm not working towards anything la la la" attitude has turned into an existential "why am I wasting my youth on sitting and digesting the stuff this corporation of an institution wants me to learn, I'm just paying them to be miserable, basically" attitude. What I'm angry about, if you didn't catch on in that last sentence, is the institution - the school itself. I've mentioned this briefly before but I never really got into exactly what I don't like about it. Let me enlighten you and get super personal (is it possible to get more personal?? Why am I telling you everything???). I received a loan from the government of Alberta for $13,000 dollars to live and go to school over this past year. I did it because I thought I would love university, I thought I would stay, and I thought it would be worth it. I loved high school, and loving university is what I was supposed to do, right? Not included in this loan were textbook costs. Overall, I think I spent about $600 on textbooks. Dropping all of those classes really helped me out though. Getting back $200 from this place that I hate was like a dream come true. So anyways, my point is, here I am in this Second Cup, worried about even buying a cup of coffee because that's how "in the hole" I am financially, and this school that's given me mostly stress and bad feelings is taking my money without batting an eye. It doesn't seem fair to me and it makes me upset.
     Now, before you get all frustrated with me because I'm just doing a lot of bitching, I want to say something. Firstly, I am so lucky to live in a place in the world where I am able to go to school and get an education. The freedom for people to choose to do that is something that I really value. It's just not for me, personally. Secondly, if you like school, I am so happy for you. If you fit in there and you feel like you're getting a lot out of your classes and you are just in love with every building you go to class in and you want to set up a tent in the hallway you love it so much, I am so, so, so happy for you. That's what everyone should feel - like they're spending their time on something that truly means something to them. If you can afford to go to school - hell, if you can't afford to go to school - and you are legitimately happy being there, fucking stay. Stay and be smart and be you and just have fun. All I'm saying is that this doesn't work for me. And honestly, after I spewed all of that anti-capitalist hate garbage (lawl), I'm not even as bitter about it as I seem, believe it or not. I'm glad that I know now, you know? If I never went to school at all, I would have always wondered, "Hmmm, what would a 300-level Philosophy class be like?" Now, that I've been to school, I know that it's full of computer scientists who just love math and that's cool. But it's not for me, and because I tried it out, I know that.
     In summary, the school I've been going to doesn't work for me because I feel like I should be doing something better with my time if I'm not sure about this right now. So, I'm going to finish off this semester and try to get the most out of it that I possibly can, I'm going to work my ass off this summer, and then travel. The way I see it is I could stay in school and learn how I'm supposed to be living, or I could just actually go out and live.
     I hope that this post spoke to you if you're unhappy with the institution you're currently stuck in. Even if you are happy with the institution you are in (again, I'm so happy for you), maybe this will help you understand why a lot of the people who started school at the same time you did aren't there anymore. Every one is different and every one needs different things. If you're happy where you are, stay there. If you aren't, get the fuck out and try something else. The only thing holding you back is yourself and I've experienced that first-hand. Always exercise your talents and always do what feels best for you, not what feels best for your parents or friends who think you should be doing something else. If you want to rip me to pieces for this post and tell me I'm an ungrateful first-worlder, feel free because I probably am. I just want people to acknowledge their feelings about where they are in their lives and follow them. That is fucking cheesy of me to say. But it works! I've acknowledged that I hate school and I feel light as a feather. Give it a shot and ask yourself if you're happy. It'll pay off. Ew, a money pun.

Another Essay For The Masses.

     I am emerging from the bat cave to say hello to the internet for a young minute. Hello, internet. This blog has turned into one of those things that I wish I had time for, and then I realize I do have time for it, and then I just get mad that I've kind of let it go to shit. Like, how you feel about cleaning your room, kind of. The last post I made was an assignment that I did for school, and guess what this post is? Bingo! An assignment I did for school. I like posting assignments because I feel like I'm defying the system a little. I hate the whole educational institute and what it does to peoples' brains. Most of the time, the majority of what school is is people who are really intelligent being taught how to be taught, you feel me? Creativity goes out the window and you end up writing papers based on a format that your teacher likes, erasing your ability to compile thoughts in your own way, and where does that leave you? Yes, with good marks, but also with a hollowed out creative mind and soul that should be filled with unique ideas and ways of doing things that make sense to YOU, not to your teacher. The reason I like posting my assignments is because I feel like I'm pretty good at doing what teachers like but within that, I'm always trying to find a way to write about things that I care about and that expand my creative and critical mind. So! This assignment is for my Women's and Gender Studies class. We were asked to analyze a TED talk, pick a specific part of the talk that stood out to us, explain what we think about it and argue why we're right. If you haven't seen this TED talk, I'm gonna post it right NOW:

http://youtu.be/VAJ-5J21Rd0

 

     So, watch it and then maybe finish reading this post, if you want! I think there are a lot of ideas that are really important to think about, even if you don't necessarily agree. Also, if you want to brutally criticize my essay, feel free! I'll write another post soon, hopefully. My essay is right below this. Thanks!

 

 

Deconstructing Boxes: Challenging Societal Norms and Binaries in iO Tillet Wright’s “Fifty Shades of Gay”

              

In every day situations, people are constantly faced with societal dichotomies. Be it black or white, small or big, his or her; the list goes on. The world is full of mutually exclusive binaries that force people to make a decision to be one or the other, but not both. In her TED talk, “Fifty Shades of Gay”, iO Tillet Wright explains how harmful polarization can be in all aspects of life, but most prominently for her, in terms of sexuality - the division between gay and straight in the United States specifically. Wright explores the limitations that come from placing people in boxes instead of allowing them to decide whether or not they would prefer to be in these boxes, in between these boxes, or maybe not be involved with these boxes at all. Putting people in boxes based on such a small part of their character (e.g. sexuality) is incredibly harmful and dangerous, can change their lives in drastic ways, and make them feel as if they do not belong.

               Labelling people based on gender and sexuality starts at an early age and, in most cases, carries on through adulthood. To begin her TED talk, Wright tells the audience about her childhood. She starts by telling the audience that when she was six years-old, “[she] decided that [she] wanted to be a boy” (Wright). Wright also tells of her very “sheltered” childhood in which she was never “asked to define [herself] as any one thing at any point” (Wright). From the way Wright speaks about her childhood, it is obvious that she feels very positively about the way she was raised. Her disagreement with boxes and labels most likely stemmed from having such an open and accepting childhood where she was never judged or expected to be anything that she did not want to be. She then goes on to explain how through her adolescence, she “wanted to be a girl again” and throughout her life continued to change and grow (Wright). Unlike Wright though, most children are labelled based on a socially constructed binary as soon as they leave the womb. Because of this, their freedom of expression is immediately limited. It is easy to see this in examples such as toys made for girls and toys made for boys. Girls receive pink, easy to use, non-challenging, soft things to play with, whereas boys are expected to play with cars, enjoy loud things, be masculine, and build things from the time they are five years-old. It is obvious that there are limitations to the growth of children when they are expected to grow up in such a structured way. Wright’s example of a more accepting and open childhood virtually eliminates expectation and the harm that stems from such an oppositional system.

               This gender binary ultimately leads to current gender theory: the expectation of masculine male humans to desire women and feminine female humans to desire men. This model continues to limit the way that people are allowed to feel in society, and further proves that a system full of dichotomies is not getting the human race any further in terms of freedom. Wright explains that “today in 29 states, more than half of this country, you can be legally fired just for your sexuality” (Wright). This example of one of the limitations of the gay/straight binary is enough evidence of a civil rights injustice to prove that a change needs to take place. If a person identifies as straight, they are automatically granted with basic human rights; the right to get married, the right to adopt children, the right to have a job at a certain place of work, etc. If a person identifies as gay though, these rights may be taken from their hands, and this is not just. Wright highlights the fact that, on the spectrum of straight to gay, most people sit somewhere in the middle. She asks, “Where exactly does one become a second-class citizen?” (Wright). If there are no boxes of gay or straight, which is what Wright is trying to accomplish, it’s hard to draw a definite line between who should be given certain rights and who shouldn’t. If there are no boxes and only a wide spectrum of people with certain experiences, heterosexual and homosexual, and everything in between, it is virtually impossible to discriminate because everyone is on the same level.

               Through the words of iO Tillet Wright, America has been exposed to a mindless dichotomy that has grown more and more prevalent throughout history. In language, on sports teams, on washroom signs, there is an ever present voice in peoples’ ears telling them to make decisions; to define where they fit and have society judge whether they are normal or abnormal based on these decisions. Erasing these clearly defined ideas about what is socially acceptable and what is socially deviant, as Wright is explaining, will give humans the freedom to define themselves on their own terms or not at all. Polarizations in all facets of life are just ideas constructed by a society that has grown accustomed to being uncomfortable with things and people that they have never seen or experienced before. These ideas have been constructed by humans, and can be just as easily deconstructed and remodeled by humans to include all people in all of their ways of being instead of only giving them a few choices and expecting that to be enough. There is far more to people than the boxes that society puts them in and when individual people become more important than these labels, freedom and equality will be that much closer.

 

 



hi i did this for my women's studies class and now it belongs to the internet byyyyye

     Wow, hi guys! It's been so long since I wrote in this blog, y'all probably feel like you don't even know me anymore. Things can change drastically in a span of four months - but they didn't for me, so don't worry. I'm still a cynical Instagram addict with a love for kittens and fem power. School has kept me busy since September, but since I'm basically on Christmas break now, I am hopping back on the literary band wagon and I am ready to supply y'all with some quality blog posts (My philosophy professor turned me into a cowboy over the span of a semester - sorry...y'all). I decided I'd start my blog relapse with an assignment I did in my Women's Studies class. I'm not going to say anything more than that, but I would love some feedback! Not that I can change it now that I already handed it in...hmmm...whatever! I'd still like to know what the internet thinks. Holla at your girl. Peace. 

Cinderella and the 21^st Century: A Potential Love Story

     When I first began thinking about this project, I knew two things: 1. I wanted to transform my artifact in a positive way and not completely destroy the current artifact, and 2. I knew that I wanted to pick an artifact that displayed the most stereotypical aspects of femininity to young children, predominately girls.  Of course, the obvious choice is Barbie. She is widely circulated, probably the most well-known “girl’s toy” out there, and is very obviously unrealistic, physically. Barbie tells stories to young girls about femininity, but I wanted an actual story; an account of female passivity, oppression, and powerlessness. So, for my cultural artifact, I’ve selected Disney’s Cinderella as both a physical and cultural misrepresentation of women. Cinderella “[is] portrayed as helpless…she is the quintessential ‘perfect girl’, always gentle, kind, and lovely” and she is forced to interact with “evil women” on a daily basis (Henke, Umble, Smith, 2004: 406-410). As a young girl, I never batted an eye at Cinderella’s over exaggerated beauty, inability to speak for herself, or normativity, and this is exactly what I want to address. The story of Cinderella has been accepted for decades as an appropriate story for children to be told. But the ideas that this story suggests about gender, femininity, relationships between women, and the importance of beauty are all things that are undoubtedly harmful to the intellectual growth of children. In my project, I wanted to portray an antithesis to the old Cinderella, creating an image that might represent a more humanitarian form of story-telling and a more realistic representation of women and female empowerment.

There are multiple examples of negative representations of gender embedded in the story of Cinderella. The story begins with, not even Cinderella herself, but her father. She is described as his lovely daughter and then her beauty is described in further detail. Right off the bat, there is a sense that Cinderella is not her own person; that she is controlled by others. This is reiterated when Cinderella’s person is immediately handed over to her evil stepmother and step sisters as a result of her father’s death. They are incredibly cruel to her because they are jealous of her beauty. This relationship makes jealousy and competition between women seem normal.  The fact that this is the only contact that Cinderella is having with other women is unbelievably harmful, especially when shown to young girls. If these are the stories that are being told to young girls about their mothers, sisters, and friends, jealousy and competition will seem acceptable and expected. As the story goes on, the prince is introduced. The language that is used to describe his situation is loaded with gender bias. The time has come for him to pick his bride, says the story. This language sends very clear ideological and patriarchal messages to the reader about who is in charge in this story, choosing to make masculine power seem more important and more pervasive than Cinderella’s choice. The prince holds a ball in order to scout out a woman. Cinderella, being poor and lowly, goes through the trials of trying to find something acceptable to wear. Eventually, after much struggle, she gives up and runs to the garden where she meets her fairy godmother. The instances that follow this meeting are the most troublesome. The fairy godmother is kind to Cinderella. She makes her look beautiful in preparation for the ball, and because of this, Cinderella ends up marrying the prince. Now, embedded within these instances lie three main ideas that are what made me decide to transform her. Firstly, the fairy godmother is kind to Cinderella, but in the context of this story, being kind is synonymous with sharing beauty secrets. The fairy godmother does not offer Cinderella friendship, love or compassion – she offers her beauty. Even though this interaction is an example of a positive relationship between women, it is based on a shallow and harmful foundation. Secondly, the story suggests that the only reason Cinderella has the “privilege” of being chosen by the prince is her beauty. Only after she has been transformed into something she hadn’t been previously is she noticed by the prince. Thirdly, Cinderella becomes empowered and happy after she is beautiful and MARRIED. The under-lying and most obviously flawed idea in this story is that this story is not about Cinderella at all – not her interests, her beliefs, her actions or achievements - it is about what is done to her, negatively and positively. She is an object that is lived around; she is not living. Her decisions are made for her by others and she is not an active participant in her own life. This is what needs to change.

My transformation does not include a rewritten story, but instead, an image with stories embedded. I’ve created four new Cinderellas who each represent and shift different aspects of the story. The way I set up my image is important to the story. The two main symbolic elements lie in the uncolored faces of the Cinderellas and in the words behind their bodies. Cinderella, in the Disney version, is very obviously Caucasian – blond hair, blue eyes, etc. In my variations, Cinderella is without race, making her relatable to everyone. The blank face serves a dual purpose in providing a “blank slate”, suggesting that these Cinderellas are new and they are able and willing to grow and learn. Secondly, the words behind the women in my image are the original story of Cinderella. I placed them behind the women to suggest that these new Cinderellas have overcome the previous story; it is literally behind them. The four Cinderellas that I’ve chosen all carry a slightly different message. The first is an openly feminist Cinderella. Throughout my childhood in books, movies, social situations, etc. feminism had always been tiptoed around and never openly addressed until I was in high school. Imagine a Disney princess speaking about and rooting for sisterhood and equality for all races, genders, and classes instead of not saying anything at all and just accepting things the way they are. Having an openly feminist role model for young children could drastically change the way that they grow up. The second image I’ve used includes Cinderella embracing another woman. Two big issues in Cinderella are negative female relationships and heteronormativity. Cinderella needs to be shown interacting with friends who are not animals, but real people. A positive mother figure or a sister willing to listen to her would’ve drastically changed the dynamic of the story. Also, in terms of romantic relationships, representing homosexuality in children’s fiction is something that’s rarely done, sadly. There should definitely be more positive representations of differing sexual preference. Another option in this case though, would be to completely eliminate romantic relationships from this kind of story altogether. Children are children and they are familiar with friendship, not romance. Focusing on positive friendships within Cinderella would leave children with more relevant messages that could be applied to their daily lives. The third image is Cinderella reading a book. This example is fairly straightforward. Children are impressionable, and when children see people reading, it makes them more likely to read. Cinderella’s intelligence is never discussed in the current version of the story and perhaps changing that could change the way children feel about reading and studying. The fourth image is a tattooed Cinderella. Cinderella’s image in the current story is unrealistic. There’s no doubt that some women look that way, but beauty is not just one type of woman or man. Breaking down beauty ideals is something that needs to be done fast. Or, better yet, eliminating the talk of being beautiful from Cinderella and other fairy tales altogether and focusing instead on intelligence, hobbies, relationships with others and other things that have to do with who a person is, not what they look like.

Overall, my main proposition is to acknowledge the fact that we, as a human race, are at a point in history where one Cinderella is not going to satisfy the needs of a generation. Focusing on one kind of role model leaves out many young people simply because this singular role model is not accessible to every single child. Creating a wider spectrum in terms of what we are showing young people will make them feel better – like they have someone they can really relate to. Cinderella has the capacity and ability to create an open environment and a positive example for young people in terms of relationships, happiness, and difference. Acknowledging that this current version of Cinderella is past her prime will allow for changes in cultural stories and a positive shift towards acceptance and enlightenment.

Works Cited

Jill Birnie Henke, Dianne Zimmerman Umble, and Nancy J Smith “Constructions of the Female Self: Feminist Readings of the Disney Heroine (excerpt)” from Women’s Voices, Feminist Visions edited by Susan M. Shaw and Janet Lee (2004) pp. 406-410

"Holy Actual Crap, Guys." (The Title of My First Book on Patriarchal Disdain.)

     Hey kids! Guess who's angry again?
     A friend of mine received this from a middle-aged male stranger at a bus stop today.

     The placement of this picture on my post is disgusting (I don't do pictures often), but that isn't the point. Just read this and let it sink in for a second. Now, forget all of the religious garbage. I don't think religion really has anything to do with the opinions of this man, I think it's just something for him to hide behind. Let's get down to the brass tax here. My friend was "rewarded" with this discriminatory note because she was wearing relatively modest clothing. Being modest is cool, guys - whatever. If a person wants to be modest, she should be modest and that's that. That isn't my issue. Correction - that isn't my ISSUES (fuck grammar right now). I don't even know where to begin. You know, I'm gonna make a list. Here we go:

1. "...Satan's influence...". Satan, who is probably a better soul than this man, has nothing to do with clothing. Satan doesn't have anything to do with anything. Satan is a figment of religious peoples' beliefs. Satan does not choose what a woman wears, a woman chooses what she wears - OBVIOUSLY. To shame a woman into thinking that choosing certain clothing makes her like/affiliates her with Satan in any way is a disgusting act, and that alone makes me want to punch this man right in his central belief system. Luckily for my friend, though, she didn't "succumb to Satan's influence", so at least she's safe, right? Fuck.
2. "...shaming and degrading yourself in wearing revealing and inappropriate clothing". Because that's what shame is - being scantily clad. Shame and degradation definitely are not a result of insulting women with condescending pieces of paper - oh no! Shame and degradation stem directly from women doing what they want with their freedom of choice. You know, maybe all women should have a uniform for each season to prevent their hellish behaviour, because apparently people can't deal with seeing our ankles or wrists. Maybe we should all wear head-to-toe body suits? But those would probably be too form-fitting... Maybe all women should just stay inside to prevent anyone being offended by ARMS. 
3. "Thank you for respecting yourself enough...". Give me a fucking break. Are you serious, dude? The amount of fabric on my body in no way represents the amount of respect I have for myself or for others. How can you assume something so horrid just by glancing in my direction? I dare this jerk-off to give women a written an explanation as to why it's okay for us to be bombarded by half-naked women constantly in advertising but it isn't okay for us to wear clothes that don't cover every bit of skin on our bodies, and also, why he is free to wear whatever type of shirt he wants, but if we wear shirts that are shorter than our elbows, we're the spawn of fucking Satan. I bet that if he was forced to explain this, he would find fault in his own reasoning even without anyone else saying anything about it. OPEN YOUR EYES, MAN. Self-respect is to clothes as the colour of the sky is to how fast a train moves: completely irrelevant on every level.
4. The bolded words and the fucking lollipop. As was already pointed out by my Facebook pals, it isn't enough that he insulted every woman in the world by creating this note, but he also had the audacity to help us with our literacy because we're obviously too stupid as a species to understand what certain words mean. And oh, hey! Here's a piece of candy because I'm a man and you're a woman and I'm higher above you in societal ranking and you need a reward for acting the way I want you to act! Good dog! 

     To top off my daily dose of patriarchal garbage, a WOMAN who is no longer my Facebook friend as of twenty minutes ago made a status along the lines of, "If you're going to wear low-cut shirts and booty shorts, you should expect that people are going to judge you. Stop complaining." I'm so furious right now, I can't even deal. As a woman - no, as a PERSON - I have the right to wear anything I want to wear in the universe. I can wear a sari, corduroy pants, a swimming suit, or nothing at all, and that should be okay. To this whole "stop disrespecting yourself", "you should expect this sort of attention", "remain modest" bullshit, I would like to say a big ol' fashioned FUCK YOU. Equality, guys. We, as women, do not need any patriarchal reinforcement telling us that we're "doing it wrong"; that we aren't being "proper". My definition of what is right is exactly that - MY definition. My friend's is hers. We do not need your opinion and we don't need your attitude, okay? Just butt out. Our wardrobes are not your business and you should be ashamed of yourself for thinking otherwise. We're not asking for anything, be it your opinion, your thoughts, your feelings, or your penis - any of it. No one is asking for any of that just by being in public! If a person wants that from you, she will ask, you know? With words. Also, having people make comments about our bodies is not our fault ever. Society makes men (and women too, actually) think it's okay for them to say or do whatever they want when I'm dressed a certain way and that's false. The fact that people don't question these social norms put in place by the patriarchy really freaks me out. The fact that this middle-aged stranger thought that it was okay to even THINK about MAKING any sort of note like this scares me. These are the people that are holding us back, and that makes me really sad because they don't even know they're doing it, you know? Society has raised to them think that it's okay and that we, as women, have to just accept these judgements and move on. We don't and we shouldn't be expected to. We should be able to do, say, and wear whatever we want without people telling us that we're wrong. Yeah, maybe sometimes we are wrong, but who's business is that but our own? And when it comes to clothing, I'm sorry, but we can never be wrong. You wear those pink leg warmers and that nasty yellow knit sweater, girl! It's your choice and that's all. 

     This post isn't as nicely put together as I hoped it would be, but I'm just really angry at the world so that's my excuse. I just hope that one day, all of the women who were given these disgusting notes, or any sort of equivalent, rise up and tell people about it and that maybe it'll convince them even more than the REST OF THE WORLD already has, that we need feminism. We need feminism bad, y'all. That's all I have to say about that right now. Thank you for your time. 

To Wed Or Not To Wed...

     Hey kids! I hope all is well. I've been really bad at remembering to write my blog lately. I'm in a weird point in my life where I'm kind of just drifting through, waiting for school to start. Working is not for me, guys. I feel like that really messes up what I'm supposed to do with my future. Whatever, I'll just go to school until I'm ninety-nine and then die with mass amounts of debt. Realistic.
     I want to talk about why I am completely neutral to the notion of marriage.
     For a long time, I disagreed with marriage hard. I figured that anything created, at the start, to rule women and make them the property of men had to be fucked. I thought, "Hey! That kind of stuff shouldn't be happening at all." And I'm right, and I still feel that way, but I recently read this article and it kind of changed my mind about a few things. Now, before I begin, I want to repeat what I said earlier: I'm completely indifferent when it comes to marriage, even though I'm definitely arguing for marriage in this post. The article I read was focused a lot on gay marriage, but it applies to all people, I think. The basic idea of the article was to say that gay people aren't ruining marriage, ALL people are ruining marriage, but also that it needs to be ruined. Marriage began as a business, basically. It was all about property, rules, materials, etc. It has evolved a lot over time according to the beliefs of people in certain areas of the world. For example, even in our current times, marriage as we know it here is drastically different than marriage in China or marriage in Egypt, even. The article I read was basically saying that if we look at the origin of marriage and how far we've come from that, we have, technically speaking, "ruined" marriage. People blaming homosexuals for ruining marriage are right, in a sense. But it's not only homosexuals who have ruined marriage. Polygamists, people who participate in hand-fasting ceremonies, people who have weddings that include elements of both, for example, Christianity and Islam due to the people being wed having different backgrounds, etc. have also "ruined""marriage" (Quotations, gosh). We're at the point in history where marriage can literally be whatever the hell anyone wants it to be and that IS SO AWESOME. We've ruined marriage, yeah, and it's the best thing we could have done. Marriage began as a patriarchal, judgemental load of shit and now it can be anything. So when people say they disagree with marriage, I respect that, sure. But I do wonder if maybe people disagree with the origins of marriage and that's why they're so unwilling to give it a shot today? Women can propose, women can marry women, people can get married UNDERWATER IN SCUBA SUITS, okay? There are so many options now. I feel like the definition of "marriage" in our time is literally people declaring that they love each other. That's it. Marriage doesn't have to be anything you don't want it to be! The possibilities are endless! And that's why I don't give a fuck anymore. Sure, when marriage was an under-the-table handshake between a son and a father and a woman was tossed into uncertainty with a dowry in tow, that was nasty. Now it's anything, you know? So, who am I to say, "Hey! That man can't marry that woman! That woman can't marry that woman! Those two people can't marry their dogs to each other!", you know? It's not my business. People are gonna get married until the end of time, because people like to fall in love, and I think that's rad.
     Anyways, that's kind of all I have to say about that right now. I just think that it's really nice when people love each other and they should be able to do whatever they want about that love, you know? Let it run wild, or whatever.
     Coincidentally, as I'm writing this, my sister is eating a plate of ribs. She just looked over at me and said, "If ribs could talk, I would marry them." Have a nice day! Get married or don't!

Big Ol' Post About Books and Gender, Kids.

     Hola, friends! I'm always like, "Hey Jenelle, go to bed early, you nerd. You're going to be so tired at work tomorrow." And then I disregard my intelligent, sleep-deprived self and continue on doing things that make my brain work at twice it's natural rate. So, if I ever yell at you, it's out of pure insomnia-driven rage and that's all, okay? I still like you.
     I've got several things to say and all of them are restless, late-night thoughts, but they still mean something to me, so I'd like to share.
     I started reading this book a few hours ago and it's called "Self". It's by an author named Yann Martel ("Life of Pi") and it's bloody brilliant. I have so much to say about it and I'm only about sixty pages in. Have you ever tried reading a book when you were having a hard time or you were really mulling something over and the book just didn't fit with your current state/attitude? Yeah, this is the complete opposite of that. This book is exactly what I need to be reading in my life right now and I wish I had about fifty-one more copies that I could lend out to others so we could all read it at the same time and have feels and chats together. I haven't even gotten to the main plot line yet (I won't give it away but I already know it since it's on the back of the book for some ridiculous reason and I've already ruined the surprise for myself due to the publisher's stupidity...), but so far, the book is about a boy discovering his gender/sexuality. Until about the twentieth page, I had no idea whether or not the main character was a girl or a boy. I get this feeling from the book like the idea is for you to grow up with him and discover things along side him. He doesn't realize what gender is until kindergarten, partly because his parents are gods (I aspire to raise my children in this way exactly - see latter paragraphs) and partly because I feel that's the way all children see themselves until a certain point. We follow the character through his discovery of differences in gender, intellectual capacity, homosexuality, bullying, masturbation, etc. It's all there! And it's all fantastic! Every single adolescent has gone through this sort of self discovery and it's magnificent to relive it through the eyes of another person.
     As I already mentioned, the parents of the protagonist (still not sure whether or not he has any sort of name) are exactly what I long to be with my children. He explains how, through his childhood, they loved him the perfect amount. They never stuck their noses where they didn't need to be, but they were always in the background. His mother worked from home on her Ph.D and his father worked in an office. My most favourite thing about these dream parents is that the protagonist never felt as though there were gender roles in his home. He felt that his parents were both equally affectionate, equally hard-working and equally present. They both cooked equal amounts and neither of them were very good at it and he felt that he simply would never be able to pick a favourite parent because they were both integral to his life by the same degree. I think that's absolutely magnificent. Also, the fact that they never put a stress on gender allowed this child to be whoever he felt he needed to be. There was no added external pressure from his parents whatsoever, and I see that as being hugely important. If there's one thing I want my children to feel, it's freedom. I don't want my children to feel that they need to be anything they weren't meant to be. These parents also didn't have any sort of religious influence on their child. In the book, the protagonist moves from Paris to the United States during his early teenage years. On his first day of school, he gets called a "faggot" because his hair is long and this is what follows: "If a friend of mine in Paris had confessed that he was in love with a Simon or a Peter, I would have compared notes with him on my love for Mary Ann. Gender in matters of love struck me as of no greater consequence than flavours in ice cream. I imagine the absence of religion in my upbringing was one factor that had allowed this belief to survive." This young boy had no preconceptions of what a man or a woman "should" look like by society's standards because his parents didn't instil that sort of stereotypical bullshit in him from a young age. This kid was as free as they come, and that's more important to me than I can ever begin to explain.
     As a result of this freedom and some rad feminist parents (oh, did I forget to mention the parents are feminists too? Parents of the year over here...), the protagonist is fascinated by human sexuality. And not even in a strictly biological sense, but in a dream-like sense. He loves humans and the way they are. At this point in the book, there's no indication as to whether he prefers men or women or if he prefers one over the other at all, he's just fascinated by all human bodies. My favourite part so far, in this regard, is the instance in which he talks about female menstruation. Now, I haven't talked about this before and honestly, it's not because I don't think it's worth talking about, it's just because it never really crossed my mind. Menstruation has been a part of my life since I was very young and I just never think to talk about it because it's so regular to me. But this section of the book kind of opened my eyes to how lovely and lucky I am as a woman to have such a wonder inside of my body. His ideas on the subject: "Though for girls it seemed considerably less than a thrill, and certainly never an aesthetic or transcendental experience, I was always fascinated by the female menstrual cycle... I felt that there was a latent unity among women, a unity for which I could find no equivalent among boys, try as I might. We were orphans among sisters. A girl could fight and be nasty, mock and degrade, pour forth pure venom from her mouth, cut herself off from everyone - yet still be connected by that melody of blood."My word. If every single person could share that feeling of awe over such a primal bodily instinct, I don't know what the world would be like. Girls, if that passage doesn't make you feel deeply special and divine in your sisterhood, I don't know what will.
     This ambiguity between genders and sexualities and different types of love is really what I've been trying to figure out in my life over these past few weeks. I don't feel obligated to prove myself to anyone and that isn't why I'm going to say what I'm about to say, I just want to let you know where I stand as an individual. I'm a woman and I absolutely relish in being a woman. I like my body the way it is and I feel that I am personally in the right physical body to compliment my mind. I'm primarily attracted to men, but I'm also attracted to women on a different sort of level. I'm very comfortable with my sexuality. I know a lot of homosexual people, people who don't have any sort of preference, and people who don't really identify with any sexuality or gender at all. Reading this book has opened my eyes even more to this reoccurring question that I have with all of this - does it really matter? By that, I don't mean you shouldn't openly proclaim and be proud of who you are as an individual; I'm all for that! What I mean is, why shouldn't the people in my life who I love and care about deeply and feel for be able to do whatever they want to do without being judged? This whole "we-live-in-a-black-and-white-world-pick-one-or-the-other" bullshit that we've had to deal with up until now has gone too far. I've said it before and I'll say it again - it's 2013, guys. We really need to get our junk together. I'm not trying to speak for others and I hope I'm not offending anyone who is directly affected by the sexual discrimination of our generation, I just hope that I can reach out to those who aren't already fighting for equality. We're all a minority in one way or another. I don't care if you're African, homosexual, straight, Hispanic, Canadian, bisexual, female, etc. You have the responsibility to stand up for others. When there's inequality in the system, we have to balance it out with love and awareness and stuff, you know? Bring equality to the attention of all of your friends. Whether it's marriage for all, inequality in women's salaries, white-only golf courses in the U.S., illegal abortion in some states, etc. Just get the word out there.
     I know a lot of this post (most of this post) is excerpts from "Self", but reading is cool, man. Get out there and snatch yourself a copy of this book. Put on your reading glasses and do some digging in any old hunk of pages, for that matter! I'm sure you'll find something that will speak to you the way that "Self" is speaking to me. I hope you all sleep a lot more than I do - that would make me really happy. Call someone you love and tell them, okay? Bye.

No Harm, No Foul? No.

     Once again, Instagram has opened my eyes to some pretty interesting view points. Who knew that it was good for anything more than just bubble bath leg selfies and pictures of kittens? My brain hasn't elaborated on what I was presented with very extensively yet, but I'm just gonna tell you what I read and how I feel and that's all.
     I stumbled upon a picture of a young girl. It read: "When we force children to submit to unwanted affection in order not to offend a relative or hurt a friend's feelings, we teach them that their bodies do not really belong to them because they have to push aside their own feelings about what feels right to them. This leads to children getting sexually abused, teen girls submitting to sexual behaviour so 'he'll like me' and kids enduring bullying because everyone is 'having fun'." - Irene van der Zande.
     Now, like I said, I haven't had much time to think about this. Also, I haven't done any deep research yet on van der Zande (she seems amazing so far - definitely a Person of the Week candidate), so I'm not quite sure where exactly she stands on a lot of things. But at first ponder, it really does make sense. There are also some things about it that I disagree with, or at least want to correct so it makes sense in the context that I'm addressing it in. First of all, I don't believe that all sexual abuse is the result of parenting or faulted guidance. I'm sure that van der Zande isn't saying that forced submission to adults is the only reason for sexual abuse, but I think it's important to point out this flaw anyway. Sexual abuse is the result of the sexual abuser. Nothing before the incident could have stopped the abuse and it is wrong make this the fault of parenting in most cases (you get it). Secondly, I don't believe that teenage girls always "submit" to males. Women enjoy sex as much as men do. A lot of young, adolescent women are enticed by and curious about the idea of sexual activity and there is nothing wrong with that in any sense. I will say, though, that it is definitely a lot easier for young women to be taken advantage of in sexual situations than it is for men and this sort of thing happens way too frequently.
     I do, generally though, agree with van der Zande's point so far (please enlighten me if you disagree -  I'd love to hear what other people think). Why should children be forced to be so giving of themselves so lightly? I know, like most childhood experiences, at the time, it doesn't seem like a big deal to the parent or to the child. I've mentioned things like this in my blog before (e.g. Men saying to young boys "You throw like a girl!", not allowing boys to play with dolls or pink things, etc.). But it's the long-lasting societal and emotional effects that are important in situations like this, as van der Zande is saying. What are we teaching children if we force them into uncomfortable, intimate situations and expect them to like it? At what sort of value are we putting their feelings? I can actually remember a few occasions during my childhood in which I was forced to hug a certain relative when I really didn't want to because I knew and felt, even as a child, that this person was a stranger to me. I believe that young children should be taught that their bodies are exactly that: theirs. By telling a child to hug or kiss or hold the hand of someone they do not know, we are a) casting aside their feelings as completely unimportant or of lesser importance than our own and b) controlling them and teaching them that control by others is okay. It's not okay. Children are humans and humans have instincts; therefore, children have instincts (your basic logic lesson for the day, ladies and gentlemen). Internal, primal, gut instincts of any person should not be ignored. Sure, there's room for negotiation and conversation at times, but a child's decisions should at least be acknowledged, especially by someone as important and integral to their personal growth as their parents.
     Again, I'd love to hear some alternate opinions or add-ons to what was said here. Sorry that it's definitely underdeveloped and not as awesome as it could be, but I'll get there. I'm going to think about it more and I'll probably write about this again.
     Also, the Instagram account that I get all of this sick shit from is called "justanotherfeminist". It's pretty neat. Have a nice night. I'm going to go eat a lot of desserts now.

Is Being Normal Okay?

     I was talking to a good friend a few days ago about social norms. It's funny how simple everything seems until you question or ponder why it is so socially acceptable to do certain things in the first place. I brought up the idea of having one bathroom for both genders in every public setting. If you can imagine this (it IS a little odd, I'll admit), you might feel that if this were socially acceptable since the time you were born, you might not be as scared of, or as unfamiliar with, the other gender as you are now. You may feel that this situation might be unsafe, but remember, everyone would be completely accustomed to it. I can't help but feel that this might encourage a certain type of equality and brotherhood. I know personally that I would be less scared of one on one confrontations with men (I should not be scared of men, but that's a conversation for another day).
     I also brought up the idea of raising children based on gender. It seems completely normal to most parents that if they have a son, he should wear pants and play with cars and like the color blue. But who's to say that this is what the child wants? I recently listened to a radio show on gender stereotyping in young children and how harmful it can be to them in the future, especially if they turn out to be homosexual or transgender. On the show, a couple was interviewed because of the way they chose to raise their children. They have a son who chooses to wear pink, chooses to wear dresses and chooses to keep his hair fairly long. Their son identifies himself as a boy, but chooses to present himself as more "girly", some might say. The parents are completely accepting of this young boy. Can you imagine how easily confidence would come if you grew up knowing exactly who you were, you didn't have to deal with any external pressures and your parents supported this?
     When things as normal as these are questioned, we see that maybe they shouldn't be so normal at all.
     After talking with my friend, I began to think more about social norms and one popped into my head that I've thought about a few times before: the concept of having pets. I know most people who have pets are self-proclaimed "animal lovers" and would do anything for their pet, but is the idea of owning another living thing natural? I've never known of another species that takes an infant animal away from its family and raises it according to the rules of the owner species. My family has two dogs, a cat and my best friend and I share three fish. I love all of these animals very dearly and I feel that we give them a good life. BUT, there's a part of me that feels I'm doing something wrong. Every "animal lover" has had to deal with their beloved pet shitting on the carpet. This animal has no idea that they did something wrong. If they were free to be an animal instead of a pet, they could relieve themselves wherever they wanted. But no, they belong to this animal lover and although the pet is completely clueless as to why a carpet even matters, they are punished. They are punished by their owner based on human standards. Yeah, if a person pooped on my carpet, they should know that's wrong. But a dog? I'm sorry, but there's just something about having that type of control over another living species that seems corrupt. As humans, the only species who can think and question (so far), I feel we have a responsibility to look after our more vulnerable fellow animals and protect them from harm, not willingly inflict it.
     I don't plan on having children, but now that I realize gender stereotyping in children is harmful, I'll be sure to let them be who they are meant to be if they ever happen to grace me with their presence. I'm keeping my fish, but I'm aware that now I might not have made the right decision. I know that after my little marine buddies pass, I won't be acquiring another pet. I hope this caused you to think about your own actions and maybe to question some social norms that shouldn't be so norm...al.