Tuesday 9 April 2013

The "V" Word.

     Good morning, dudes! This is something different for me - I usually don't write in the morning. But, I have the day off, it's sunny outside, and I don't want to deal with my actual real life/my problems. So, here we go.
     I've been thinking about "slut-shaming" a lot lately. Now, if y'all don't know what this means, the definition of "slut-shaming" is: "the act of making a woman feel guilty for displaying certain sexual behaviours that aren't typical to traditional gender roles." It can also be used to define the way that some women are blamed for their own rapes and sexual assaults based on the clothes that they were wearing or their previously sexually forward manner. (Thank you, Wikipedia, for clarifying.) Obviously, this is gross. I can't believe that after all of the research done on women and the reproductive systems of women explaining our ability to have multiple orgasms and our bodies' insatiable desire for sex, we are STILL put under this stigma that we are surely, generally, "non-sexual" beings, and that if a woman is very sexual it is out of character. That is just so damn silly. Give me a break. The worst part about it, I think, is not this, but the fact that individual women can't do whatever they want sexually without being judged for it, you know? Like, maybe I have two friends and one of them is a "virgin" (by that, I mean having had no sexual experiences; I will discuss my views on virginity later on) and has no desire to have sex whatsoever and the other is a flaming sex pot. Both of them are going to be judged based on their choices due to things such as age, career choice, religion, etc., but most of all, gender. It's so wrong! If my two friends are both happy with the way they're living their lives, then why should they have to change simply because of what other people want them to do? They're being put under this blanket statement that says women are supposed to want sex these ways, this is how women should be satisfied, and anything more or less is completely unacceptable.
     This takes me on to my "Anti-Person of the Week" portion of my blog post. Ladies and gentlemen, the one and only, Taylor Swift. This will be a small portion, since the only things I have to say are absolutely negative and what I'm trying to get at here is pretty plain. Usually, I don't like to hate on people, and I'm sure that (maybe?) Swift's mind could be changed if she were more educated, but for now, here we go. From the way she believes that fifteen year-old girls are all vulnerable, unassuming, and naive (listen to "Fifteen"), to her classic slut-shaming antics ("she wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts" - therefore, she's obviously better, more pure, and less "slutty"), I've learned that T Swift is just a sad little person who got caught up in the terrible labels and discriminations that society is so insistent on handing out. In an interview, Swift was once asked if she identifies as a feminist. Her reply was simple; "I believe in equality, but I'm not a feminist." Well, I think that deserves a round of applause, don't you? First, indoctrinating little girls with your slut-shaming lyrics and then refusing to identify as a feminist because of the negative connotations? Bravo, Swift. You're a fucking winner.
     Lastly, I'd like to talk about the ridiculous concept of "virginity". Children are raised (especially religious children) with this title bestowed upon them. They are "virgins". "Virgins" are pure and completely void of sin. And once a "virgin" is ready to get married or bear children, his/her "virginity" is lost by having vaginal/penile intercourse, but, because it's through love and matrimony and between a man and a woman, that makes it okay. Now, in reality, this is what "virginity" looks like: You're fourteen and you find yourself in the woods with a certain boy/girl at a birthday party and things happen with hands and mouths and you're discovering your sexuality and it's lovely and exciting and new, but when it's over, you're left wondering, "Wait - am I still a virgin?" And then perhaps you feel guilty or dirty, because you feel as though some of your "purity" is gone and you're not sure if that's the way the concept of "virginity" is supposed to work. I just want to take a second and say, FUCK VIRGINITY (LOL. Pun not intended). It isn't real. The way that we are lead to believe that our bodies are for one person and one person only, that we can only "lose it" through one specific act (what about homosexuals?) at one specific time when we're all married up, but that other similar acts may tarnish our pure, white souls. Guys, this isn't right. This isn't the way the world works and I don't think being "pure" is something that should define how we feel about ourselves based on our sexuality or what we choose to do with our sexuality. I'm not saying that saving oneself for marriage is wrong; if you think that's for you, then do your thing, dude. What I'm saying is that it's terrible that adolescents feel as though they're ruining a part of themselves that DOESN'T EVEN EXIST by exploring what their bodies and hearts are curious about. There's nothing wrong with becoming, or not becoming, sexual beings in whatever way we decide to do so, and the only thing that "virginity" does for these people that are exploring is make them feel guilty about a part of their natural minds and bodies that they can't control. Also, if the concept of being a virgin didn't exist, then the chances of women being "slut-shamed" (by Taylor Swift and others) would be a lot less. There would be no ideal sexual being to compare these "sluts" to if we all just accepted that people choose to do what they want with their bodies and that's okay. So, that's why I think "purity" and "virginity" are a load of shit.
     I hope you all have a nice day. I'm out.
     

10 comments:

  1. Sooo.. I have to comment lol. It's inevitable lets be honest here!
    I agree with your anti-Taylor Swift. She kinda sucks a lot. She might sing nice but I really dislike everything she stands for. But I'm not gonna go on about that.
    But here's what I've seen in society. We've all really desensitized ourselves to sex. It's ev-ry-where. It's in our T.V. shows and movies like its no big deal its in our shopping malls, its in the commercials and music there is almost no where you can go without having sex shoved down your throat. Growing up and watching f.r.i.e.n.d.s. I assumed that everyone had sex before marriage with multiple people and that I was probably gonna do that. I grew up kinda in religion and it just didn't even phase me that i should wait. By grade 10 i thought oh ya I think 16 is a good age to start this. And then all through out high school everyone was doing it and before I knew it I was one of the last virgins (I got the 40 yr old virgin award hahaha). And it felt weird! All I saw around me were dysfunctional relationships that couldn't figure out if they wanted to be together apart or just "fuck buddies" and it was all such a huge deal!
    I'm really glad I didn't have sex at 15 or 16 when i thought it was a "good enough" time because all religion put aside I was not mature enough to understand the serious repercussions of giving that huge part your body and heart to someone else! It only really hit me when I took a look back at everyone else and saw how broken it made people. I never thought of anyone as sluts i just saw decisions that were affecting people inside because it didn't turn out how they thought.
    Sex isn't just "no big deal" because its just "human nature". It most certainly is human nature but I would argue its the most beautiful part about us as human beings. It puts us on a different level above animals and it is the only part of things we can do with each other that creates LIFE. thats huge.
    Something so beautiful is being so exploited by the media and is one of the biggest tools in type casting women into gender roles and seen as nothing but sex items to the male gender and it's so sad.
    Sex is so much more than just a physical act. The first time is such a big deal because we are putting ourselves in our most vulnerable state and in that moment the amount of emotion that happens along side really affects it. You can't have sex without emotion. Actually, sorry you can. So many people have become so desensitized to is that its just become another need like thirst or hunger and people go out to find a booty call to satisfy this need. And it's so sad because I know at one point, that first couple of times, sex really meant something to that person. And then say they get married, it really has lost all meaning and you can't give that vulnerable side of yourself to your partner, because you've given it to everyone else.
    This really also translates into how awful porn is on a relationship but maybe i'll talk about that some other time haha.

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  2. I have a bit more..
    Way back in the day people used to use sex as a way to consummate their marriage and make it legitimate. You were giving yourself completely to that person and through marriage promising yourself to them forever. If it was used as the only tool to legitimize a marriage back then it must have been a big deal. I know we are in the day and age of moving forward not falling back and stuff but it seems along the way we are tarnishing some of the most beautiful acts of basic human nature.
    And it's so sad to me seeing these young girls around 14 having sex. being a grade 8 youth leader I know it isn't because they're curious. It's because they are just discovering their bodies developing and are realizing that boys like victoria secret models. (one of my 13 yr old girls wants to grow up to be a victoria secret model and its breaks my heart) They want to know that boys like them too and that they too have sexy bodies and are desirable. So they do it for affirmation and it really has negative effects on them at such a young age. They don't understand that they need to love themselves first before letting a guy decide that for them because of the sex industry.

    My thoughts are really all over the place right now i'm so sorry haha.
    Anyways I'm all for adults making their own mature decisions about who they sleep with. It's their choice to make with their bodies. But I do believe there is immense value in waiting and that sex shouldn't be pushed on preteens-teens at all since they can't understand what it all really means.
    Whew, I think thats all I got

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    1. Hi Julia! Thanks for commenting.
      I really, sincerely respect your opinion and I just want you to be aware of that before I say what I'm going to say. I think you are right, and by no means am I going to back-pedal on what I said; I believe really strongly in everything I described. I agree with you in that sex is incredibly important and sacred. I agree with you also that it is one of the most beautiful things that can exist between two people. What I'm saying here in this post is not that sex isn't incredible and magnificent - I'm saying that peoples' worth should not be measured based on the amount of sex they have or haven't had. And that goes for virgins too! I think it's disgusting when people treat virgins as less experienced and less grown up because they haven't had one certain experience, you know? That's just silly. What I'm trying to say is that people shouldn't be ashamed of THEMSELVES no matter what they choose to do with their bodies. Having tons of meaningless sex, having tons of meaningful sex, having no sex, having infrequent sex - whatever. My point is that we shouldn't put such a high value on something that is completely to the discretion of the individual. There is so much more to people than whether they are sexually active or not.

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    2. I agree definitely that a person is so much more than their sexuality and society does place too much importance on sexual activity, whether its having lots or none. And we all need to understand people are so much more than who what or when they have sex because that isn't what our identity is made of! LETS JUST LOVE EVERYONE :)

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  3. I would also like to continue somewhat on what Julia had said, and I do think it's a major flaw in this post (well maybe not so much of a flaw than a 'shortcoming'). I'm going to keep this fairly brief but basically Jenelle, you've been focusing very heavily on the idolization of virginity and how people are making such a huge deal out of it when it really shouldn't be seen in such a way. Which is absolutely true, in some cases. But the reality is just the opposite in all too many cases. More and more virginity is something that is being mocked, that you're thought of as less if you're a virgin. Young people, regardless of gender, are being pushed to having sex before they are ready by peer pressure, in order to seem 'cool' or not so much of a loser because they're a virgin. I've seen and heard much, much more pressure to have sex and idolizing sex than I have idolizing virginity.

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    1. Hi Taran! I wish I knew you.
      I definitely agree with you. Sex is so overdone. The pornography industry makes me want to throw up constantly. I completely disagree with the publicity of sex in advertising and the way that sex is portrayed. And I do agree that because of this sexual onslaught, many people are forced into doing something that they don't want to do. What I was trying to get across with my post is that, on a person-to-person basis, people should value "virgins" just as much as they value people who do decide to have sex. I don't think either side of the spectrum should be idolized at all, and I'm definitely not rooting for the incredibly sexually explicit society we live in. What I'm rooting for is for people to be able to make their own choices without having this outward "preference" of others, if you will. I'm trying to get this idea across that it's okay to not have sex if you don't want to, and it's okay TO have sex if you want to. It's the pressures of society to conform to either "virgin" or "slut" that I disagree with. Young people, especially, need to be free to do what they feel is right for them PERSONALLY. Of course, they need to be educated on contraception and the consequences that can arise out of certain types of behaviour. I just feel that as a society, we need to be more open to discussing what people need/want as individuals instead of putting everyone under certain labels. I hope that makes sense. Thank you for commenting!

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  4. Jenelle, I like your blog posts a lot. I'm glad you talked about the idolization of virginity and Taylor Swift and her slut-shaming.
    Also, another thing on slut-shaming. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/nico-lang/trampires-why-the-slut-sh_b_1850940.html?utm_hp_ref=email_share And I could share my notes with you on when we discussed her in class. I mean, was there any sort of investigation into whether Rupert Sanders was abusing his power? Was it workplace sexual harassment? I don't know because instead of asking these questions, the media and society immediately began slut-shaming.
    I wish you had gone into the fact that there is no way to determine a male's (male sex, not gender) virginity that is equivalent to the female hymen being intact. But you hit on a bunch of points that I really like, can't have everything! :)
    Also, if you'd like a great example of idolization of virginity, just look at purity balls. So creepy. Look them up if you haven't already.
    Unlike the other commenters, I'm really glad you didn't go into how much our society idolizes sex through raunch culture, because I think that's a completely different post to make. I have a book on that if you'd like to read it sometime (and then preferably discuss raunch culture with me).

    Ugh. Every time I read your blog it makes me want to start my own. That's a great thing. Good job :)

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    1. Just one thing I'd like to comment on if that's okay. You actually can't tell if someone is a virgin or not by their hymen. This whole 'intact' idea is nonsense. The hymen doesn't break during intercourse, it merely stretches and usually returns to its original shape. Besides, it typically degenerates over time through natural causes, disease, or masturbation. It's certainly not an indicator of sexual activity.

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    2. Hey Rianna!
      I agree with Taran on this one and that's kind of what I was getting at with the whole "virginity-is-a-myth" thing. It's impossible to measure the "virginity levels" (so stupid that that's even a thing) of either a man or a woman because there are so many things that can contribute to the wearing down of the hymen so there is no way of really knowing, as Taran has stated, just as there's no way of knowing for a man. I just think it's silly to even care about whether or not my hymen is intact, you know? Who should give a shit except for me? I should be able to do with my hymen what I please without anyone telling me how pure or not pure I am. I definitely understand what you're saying, for sure, but just the whole concept of virginity is a silly one to me. And I think that's something that people didn't really understand about my post. I'm not promoting carelessness in sex or sexual activity or saying sex isn't beautiful and important, it's just the whole technical aspect of being a virgin that I disagree with and also the negative connotations that come along with both being a virgin and not being a virgin. My point is that we can't win, no matter what side we're on, when really, it should NOT matter.
      I love how into this you are, Rianna. You're fucking rad. Let's hang out.

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    3. Thank you, Taran! That's perfect. I was just trying to touch on how ridiculous it is, and you just said everything I wanted to say but didn't know how :)
      Jenelle, you're rad too. We need to hang out.

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