It's Going To Be Okay, Okay?

     Today, I 'd like to say that it's okay to be sad.
     Life sucks sometimes. Life sucks sometimes a lot. For fuck sakes, I just ate a bag of chips and a half a jar of Nutella for supper. A small part of that decision has to do with the fact that I live alone now and can do those things without being judged, but I digress...
     If you're sad today, embrace it. Cry. Buy fifty chocolate bars. Look at pictures of Ryan Gosling without a shirt on. Pet your cat extra lots. Or your fish, if you have limited resources. Do whatever the hell you need to do and don't let anyone tell you that you shouldn't be doing it.
     Everyone has problems and that's hard for others to understand sometimes. Your friends might think that you've been acting sad for too long after a hard break-up or a death in the family. But they don't feel the way you feel, dude. So you stay that way as long as you need to, okay?
     And then when you're ready, change it.
     I don't know if I like to be personal or not on this blog yet, but I'm going to be vaguely personal for a few sentences. I just recently went through the worst thing that's ever happened to me (not an exaggeration) and I'm still going through it. Every day I wake up and remember. I remember everything. And I'm furious constantly. I cry every day. I've been this way for almost three months. And I don't know when it's going to be over. I'm not saying this because I want attention or anything like that, I can handle it myself. I'm just sharing.
     So, the point of this personal, emotional bullshit is to tell you that I'm trying to change it now. I don't know if it's time for me to change it, but I would really like to remember what being happy feels like, so I'm doing my best. Wanna know how I'm doing it? SURE YOU DO!
     1. I started a journal. I write in it as often as I can and I write things I want to remember, things I don't want to remember, things I should have realized by now but haven't, things I love, things I need to say to people but can't, etc. I write as much as I possibly can. And it really helps me. I don't know if it'll help you, but it's worth a try, right?
     2. I've started completely immersing myself in everything that I love. It took me a while to be able to do anything but mope for a while, but I just recently started reading again (NAOMI WOLF) and I love it. I think if you're into reading, the best thing to read if you're sad is something you can completely relate to. Naomi Wolf writes about vaginas. Hey! I have one of those! You know? Read something that makes you feel less alone. Other than reading, I've been singing steady. I'm in choir, so that helps. And writing. I've been writing a lot of stuff. Basically, I've just been giving myself homework so that I can focus on that.
     3. Hang out with your fucking mom. I don't care what anyone says, this is what will make you feel better about your life, ultimately. Mom cuddles. Nothing better.
     4. Eat. Eat a lot.
     I'm not giving in to my sadness. I know that this isn't me and there's no way I'm going to let it control me forever. It's controlling me now, yes, but I'm trying my hardest to make sure it doesn't control me for any longer than it already has. Don't give in to your sadness.
     My best friend in the whole world told me that if you have nothing else and you can't think of a reason to live anymore, think of how it smells after it rains, and that's enough.