Big Ol' Post About Books and Gender, Kids.

     Hola, friends! I'm always like, "Hey Jenelle, go to bed early, you nerd. You're going to be so tired at work tomorrow." And then I disregard my intelligent, sleep-deprived self and continue on doing things that make my brain work at twice it's natural rate. So, if I ever yell at you, it's out of pure insomnia-driven rage and that's all, okay? I still like you.
     I've got several things to say and all of them are restless, late-night thoughts, but they still mean something to me, so I'd like to share.
     I started reading this book a few hours ago and it's called "Self". It's by an author named Yann Martel ("Life of Pi") and it's bloody brilliant. I have so much to say about it and I'm only about sixty pages in. Have you ever tried reading a book when you were having a hard time or you were really mulling something over and the book just didn't fit with your current state/attitude? Yeah, this is the complete opposite of that. This book is exactly what I need to be reading in my life right now and I wish I had about fifty-one more copies that I could lend out to others so we could all read it at the same time and have feels and chats together. I haven't even gotten to the main plot line yet (I won't give it away but I already know it since it's on the back of the book for some ridiculous reason and I've already ruined the surprise for myself due to the publisher's stupidity...), but so far, the book is about a boy discovering his gender/sexuality. Until about the twentieth page, I had no idea whether or not the main character was a girl or a boy. I get this feeling from the book like the idea is for you to grow up with him and discover things along side him. He doesn't realize what gender is until kindergarten, partly because his parents are gods (I aspire to raise my children in this way exactly - see latter paragraphs) and partly because I feel that's the way all children see themselves until a certain point. We follow the character through his discovery of differences in gender, intellectual capacity, homosexuality, bullying, masturbation, etc. It's all there! And it's all fantastic! Every single adolescent has gone through this sort of self discovery and it's magnificent to relive it through the eyes of another person.
     As I already mentioned, the parents of the protagonist (still not sure whether or not he has any sort of name) are exactly what I long to be with my children. He explains how, through his childhood, they loved him the perfect amount. They never stuck their noses where they didn't need to be, but they were always in the background. His mother worked from home on her Ph.D and his father worked in an office. My most favourite thing about these dream parents is that the protagonist never felt as though there were gender roles in his home. He felt that his parents were both equally affectionate, equally hard-working and equally present. They both cooked equal amounts and neither of them were very good at it and he felt that he simply would never be able to pick a favourite parent because they were both integral to his life by the same degree. I think that's absolutely magnificent. Also, the fact that they never put a stress on gender allowed this child to be whoever he felt he needed to be. There was no added external pressure from his parents whatsoever, and I see that as being hugely important. If there's one thing I want my children to feel, it's freedom. I don't want my children to feel that they need to be anything they weren't meant to be. These parents also didn't have any sort of religious influence on their child. In the book, the protagonist moves from Paris to the United States during his early teenage years. On his first day of school, he gets called a "faggot" because his hair is long and this is what follows: "If a friend of mine in Paris had confessed that he was in love with a Simon or a Peter, I would have compared notes with him on my love for Mary Ann. Gender in matters of love struck me as of no greater consequence than flavours in ice cream. I imagine the absence of religion in my upbringing was one factor that had allowed this belief to survive." This young boy had no preconceptions of what a man or a woman "should" look like by society's standards because his parents didn't instil that sort of stereotypical bullshit in him from a young age. This kid was as free as they come, and that's more important to me than I can ever begin to explain.
     As a result of this freedom and some rad feminist parents (oh, did I forget to mention the parents are feminists too? Parents of the year over here...), the protagonist is fascinated by human sexuality. And not even in a strictly biological sense, but in a dream-like sense. He loves humans and the way they are. At this point in the book, there's no indication as to whether he prefers men or women or if he prefers one over the other at all, he's just fascinated by all human bodies. My favourite part so far, in this regard, is the instance in which he talks about female menstruation. Now, I haven't talked about this before and honestly, it's not because I don't think it's worth talking about, it's just because it never really crossed my mind. Menstruation has been a part of my life since I was very young and I just never think to talk about it because it's so regular to me. But this section of the book kind of opened my eyes to how lovely and lucky I am as a woman to have such a wonder inside of my body. His ideas on the subject: "Though for girls it seemed considerably less than a thrill, and certainly never an aesthetic or transcendental experience, I was always fascinated by the female menstrual cycle... I felt that there was a latent unity among women, a unity for which I could find no equivalent among boys, try as I might. We were orphans among sisters. A girl could fight and be nasty, mock and degrade, pour forth pure venom from her mouth, cut herself off from everyone - yet still be connected by that melody of blood."My word. If every single person could share that feeling of awe over such a primal bodily instinct, I don't know what the world would be like. Girls, if that passage doesn't make you feel deeply special and divine in your sisterhood, I don't know what will.
     This ambiguity between genders and sexualities and different types of love is really what I've been trying to figure out in my life over these past few weeks. I don't feel obligated to prove myself to anyone and that isn't why I'm going to say what I'm about to say, I just want to let you know where I stand as an individual. I'm a woman and I absolutely relish in being a woman. I like my body the way it is and I feel that I am personally in the right physical body to compliment my mind. I'm primarily attracted to men, but I'm also attracted to women on a different sort of level. I'm very comfortable with my sexuality. I know a lot of homosexual people, people who don't have any sort of preference, and people who don't really identify with any sexuality or gender at all. Reading this book has opened my eyes even more to this reoccurring question that I have with all of this - does it really matter? By that, I don't mean you shouldn't openly proclaim and be proud of who you are as an individual; I'm all for that! What I mean is, why shouldn't the people in my life who I love and care about deeply and feel for be able to do whatever they want to do without being judged? This whole "we-live-in-a-black-and-white-world-pick-one-or-the-other" bullshit that we've had to deal with up until now has gone too far. I've said it before and I'll say it again - it's 2013, guys. We really need to get our junk together. I'm not trying to speak for others and I hope I'm not offending anyone who is directly affected by the sexual discrimination of our generation, I just hope that I can reach out to those who aren't already fighting for equality. We're all a minority in one way or another. I don't care if you're African, homosexual, straight, Hispanic, Canadian, bisexual, female, etc. You have the responsibility to stand up for others. When there's inequality in the system, we have to balance it out with love and awareness and stuff, you know? Bring equality to the attention of all of your friends. Whether it's marriage for all, inequality in women's salaries, white-only golf courses in the U.S., illegal abortion in some states, etc. Just get the word out there.
     I know a lot of this post (most of this post) is excerpts from "Self", but reading is cool, man. Get out there and snatch yourself a copy of this book. Put on your reading glasses and do some digging in any old hunk of pages, for that matter! I'm sure you'll find something that will speak to you the way that "Self" is speaking to me. I hope you all sleep a lot more than I do - that would make me really happy. Call someone you love and tell them, okay? Bye.

Please Just Calm Down.

     Just before I start, I'd like to say that I tried as hard as I could to be professional and not say bad words in my posts, but that's the way I talk in real life. So why wouldn't I write like that, right? I don't really care if it offends you or not, I just thought I'd let you know what's up with that and why I've gotten progressively more intense as time has passed.
     The last time I tried to write about feminism, I got verbally abused (without any hint of constructive criticism) by a person who knew a lot more than I did about it, and that's okay. I was kind of hurt by it at the time, but then I realized that person is just a troll. To you, my dear instigator of frustration, I say thank you. Thank you for making me realize that there's people out there who know more than I do and I need to read more. Thank you for being so utterly condescending towards someone who is trying to learn (sarcasm). Also, thank you for making me realize that I don't really care about being "third wave". I think it's fantastic that some people are confident enough to call themselves that, but I don't think it's very important to me personally. All I care about is people realizing that feminism is an issue that needs to be addressed and the importance of equality among men and women. And lastly, thank you for making me feel better about your comment by making me realize that you've got a lot of work to do too. A true feminist wouldn't diss another feminist's point of view simply because it isn't necessarily the same kind of feminism. Arguing is cool. If you want to argue with me, I invite you! But don't just put me down and not offer up any kind of advice. Frankly, I think that's a little rude simply on a person to person basis.
     Phew.
     That's been building up inside of me for a long time.
     Anyways, I just have a few things to rant about and stuff, so stick around if you've got the time.
     1. Stop thinking you're ugly. I don't care who you are, where you live, what sexual orientation you are, what colour your hair is, or how many fingers you have on your right hand.

You are not ugly.  

     Saying you're ugly is giving in. It's giving in to every single person that's every put themselves above you on any level, it's giving in to society, it's giving in to Victoria's Secret, it's giving in to Covergirl, it's giving in to Playboy. Don't give in. I  guarantee that someone you know thinks you're beautiful. Or at least someone on Instagram thinks you're beautiful. Definitely your mom thinks you're beautiful. And if they don't...

     2. Stop giving a shit about what other people think. I know that you've been hearing different variations of that phrase since you were five years-old, but I'm serious. Why should you care? No one is better than you. No one should be able to make you feel inferior. Everyone is equal. If you spend all of your time caring about what other people think you won't ever be satisfied. BECAUSE YOU'LL NEVER KNOW WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT THEM BRO. Sure, you can ask. Sure, you can guess. But people lie and assuming is stupid. The only person you can ever truly trust is yourself. So start caring about what YOU think, dude. 

     3. Focus on loving people and the relationships you have. "Ugh, this girl is a hippy." said the judgemental blog reader. When I speak to girls, a lot of the time I hear, "Oh, I wish I had hair like hers", "I hate that girl; her legs are so long", and "Look at that girl's make up, it's so nice. What a bitch." Stop it. For fuck sakes, just give it up. Maybe instead of being envious, you could go up to that pretty lady and say, "Gurrrl, you got some sick legs. Show those babies off! Good for you!", you know? Stop hating people because they have stuff that you want. You have great stuff too! Just be happy with your own stuff and be happy for other people with their stuff. CALM DOWN. Do you know how many more friends you would have if you complimented a fellow girl every time you liked something about her? You would have a lot more friends, in case you didn't get where I was going there. Also, if you stop focusing on being so jealous and down on yourself, your significant other is going to like you a whole lot more. Yep, I went there. Just think about it; how much would you hate it if the person you loved more than anyone else in the world spent all of his/her time hating himself/herself? Especially if this prevented him/her from seeing how much you love him/her? Be confident, guys! Love your bodies and love your souls. Every single person in the world has the capacity to be unbelievably sexy and incredibly kind, he/she just needs to believe it. 

     I don't mean to be rude or preachy with this post, I just want everyone to love themselves. 

     If you have any questions or comments, I would really, really like some feedback. Comment below or email me: jenelledufva@gmail.com

    

     Do something fun tonight! Thanks for reading. 

La Fleur.

     This blog post is not meant to be controversial. Well, it won't be controversial. For the first time in the history of my blog, I am going to write about something NICE. Something I find refreshing and wonderful. Take note, kids.
     This last Monday, I started a new job at an independent flower shop. My boss worked for four years in Fort McMurray so he could save up enough money to start the business and get married. Cute, right? He is one of the nicest, most accepting people I've ever met. He constantly says "thank you" whenever I do any kind of job even though I'm getting paid for it, which is really nice. It makes me feel appreciated. And he's cheery! He's just plain ol' kind and joyous. But he's not why I'm writing this post.
     Whilst cutting the ends off of some very pretty roses, I got to thinking about the flower industry, which is something I'd never really thought about before. Most of our flowers come from South America or Europe, which sucks because it's so far, and they probably use tons of pesticides, but I digress. After I passed over the ususal "why this sucks" tangent of my thought process, I started to really think about the use of the flower industry and I came to the realization that the only reason it exists is for the sole purpose of celebration. We, at the store, do arrangements for weddings, birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentine's Day, and "just because". Flowers make people feel awesome. There's no way that something so natural and beautiful wouldn't make people feel special or just plain happy. What's greater than an industry based on the happiness of people and the celebration of love and life?
     Needless to say, I love my job. I love that I am a part of something that makes people feel good. I love knowing that when I wake up in the morning, I will be making someone's life more enjoyable, even if it is in a really small way.