WHAT AM I DOING

     Hellooooo world! This blog is getting a little dusty, so I thought I'd clean the thing off and start over fresh. I sincerely hope that everyone is doing well. I can't believe how much I miss writing this thing. I just read over a few of my past entries and realized that I have a sense of humour (????) and I think it's been missing in my other writing, so I'm gonna try to get it back. In case you're wondering what I mean by other writing (I'm sure you're all on the edge of your seats), I've been writing a weekly article for an online newspaper that was started in my hometown! My article is supposed to be focused on issues that affect people my age. It's such a great opportunity and I'm so grateful to my lovely friend who passed this article on to me (<3). Here's a thing, though. I have SO MUCH to say in this article. I could write about so many THINGS, but only theoretically. Realistically, I'm terrified of writing anything because I feel like it won't reach the audience I'm writing for. This blog is easy. I pick something that's pissing me off, I write a huge fucking paragraph on it (for some reason I don't believe in formatting) and then my friends read it and they can relate to it. I'm writing for people my age on here, so everything I'm saying is going to make sense. I don't know how to write my ideas to an audience that doesn't come from the same generation as me. Here are some things that I'm worried about: A) offending people. A lot of the things I have to say have to do with the generational gap between people my age and people older than myself, but how the hell do you just be like, "Oh hey, by the way I disagree with mostly everything your generation believes aaaand here's how to be better, peace." I can't do that at all, because it's terrible. I guess part of writing this article is learning how to get better at communicating my ideas to people who aren't like me  (underlined passage is, like, the meaning of life) but I'm just having a hard time right now with this so that's why I'm complaining. B) I'm having a hard time feeling like myself in my writing and feeling like I can be honest about what I think. For example, I want to write about how uncomfortable I feel in my work place sometimes because of the amount of not so appropriate remarks/looks my co-workers and I receive from older men. Normally, I would rage hard about this on my blog, fairly confident that none of these guys would ever find it. I can't do that in the paper because they all read it. It's probably a good thing that they'd see it, but stirring up shit in my work place is not something I need in my life even though my heart KNOWS IT HAS TO BE DONE. Please comment and tell me if this is okay, but I'm thinking of using the whole "I have a friend who's uncomfortable at work because..." approach? I don't know if that's wrong or if it's just me being strategic? Some advice would be helpful. Also, I'm worried about scaring people in this town, guys. I need to write about patriarchy in this article, but a few weeks ago I wrote about piercings and tattoos and that scared people! This is small town Alberta and I have the worst writer's block I think I've ever had! I think I'm having a hard time figuring out the difference between being a professional and changing who I am to make other people happy. I don't think I should have to change anything at all, but I just really don't want to lose this opportunity by saying the wrong thing. (Even though I probably don't,) I feel like I have a lot of pull in my community with this and I want to be the best I can be for the people reading what I have to say. This is one of those things that I really need some advice on. If you guys can comment and say whether or not you think I'm crazy for worrying or if you have any ideas for stuff I should be writing on, that would be so so so appreciated. I plan on writing some pretty meaty things in here in the near future, so stay tuned. Ciao!

The World, Man.

     Hello! Man, I miss this blog. I've decided that I'm actually going to start forcing myself to write at least once a week a) because I feel like I'm a large asshole for being so lazy about something that I really care about, and b) it'll just make me a better writer in the long run, so I think that's important for my career and life and all that jazz. I'm also going to start posting all of my blog spurts on Facebook so they're more easily accessible and the poor users of the internet don't have to sleaze around looking for my posts, because I feel like that's too much work for something with such minimal progress. Evan reads this blog, though, so, you rule, Evan. Keep being you.
    For those of you who don't know me very well/aren't close to me personally/have better things to do than know where I am, I'm in Pennsylvania, USA. I'm here for two weeks with my family and it's been fresh. My family is neat and I like that I get to spend so much time with them. So, my family has been really nice. America, on the other hand, I'm not too sure about. I'm going to try to write this in the least offensive sense I can possibly muster from inside my brain because I'm not trying to be offensive, this is just an observation of a Canadian visitor.
     Now, I've been to the USA before and I've done my thing. But this time has been different. In my other American experiences, I've been with Canadians. I've been with a shit ton of Canadian teenagers who didn't give a fuck and just kept on being Canadian and didn't talk to any Americans to a large extent and it was totally fine. We saw the sights and we danced the dance and it was all fine and good. Such is not the case on this trip. I've had long, extended conversations with at least seven Republicans and it was really hard, guys. I guess my issue here is not with America (it's kind of with America - I'll talk about that later on), but with this mindset that the people I spoke to have. There are two things that they stressed more than anything during our conversations: God and war. I won't be discussing God because freedom of religion, amirite? During this trip, I read "1984" by George Orwell and there literally could not have been a more relevant book to read. There were a few times when I actually had to get up and leave a conversation because I couldn't stand to be around people that talked this way. It legitimately scared me to hear it. First off, let me give you some background: every single person I had talked to had served in the military. Coming from Canada, this is not something you regularly hear about. In fact, I only know, personally, one person from Canada who served in the military. These were seven different people who ALL happened to serve. All of these men were Republicans who saw the military as their responsibility. They believed that it was up to them to "kill for their freedom". That's a real live quote. You hear about this stuff in movies and books and junk, but actually meeting a person, MULTIPLE PEOPLE, who believed that this (freedom) is still an issue blew my mind. I understand defense to a degree, and I know that America might be in danger, but freedom is really not a thing anymore. We're as free as we're going to be over here, you know? And if anything is holding Americans back from more freedom, it's only their regressive attitude in terms of where their country is at politically. I just don't understand this want for invasion. One man told me a story of his son who had been driving in a convoy of military vehicles. The first vehicle was suddenly struck by a suicide bomber in a car. The men were fine. They found out later that the vehicle behind them had caught the whole thing on tape. In the corner of the screen as they were watching back, they saw that an innocent civilian on a bike had been blown to pieces. His son laughed as he was telling the story, like it was a joke. I'm not trying to make these people sound evil, nor am I making any excuse for them by writing this part, I'm just stating a fact. I talked to my family members that I'm travelling with about the attitude that these people have, and they told me to let it go. "Oh yeah, you know, women are still paid 30 cents less an hour than men and a rape occurs every nine minutes in India, but whatever, I think I'll just let that go." No. It made me sick. Like, the whole of the human race and it's health and future didn't, in fact, depend on America getting it's giant ass military nose out of places it doesn't belong. This mindset is creating monsters, you know? We're feeding the war machine. There is no doubt in my mind that these men were brainwashed into thinking this kind of behavior was normal for Americans; American soldiers, especially. Like this is how Americans are supposed to act. I was told (I didn't know this and I feel like this is something that people should learn in their Social Studies classes) that soldiers on the front line will never in their lives know how many people they have killed while on duty. A lot of meat-eaters are okay with eating meat as long as it's in the form of a hamburger with cheese and they don't have to go out with a bow and arrow, murdering their prey themselves. Ignorance is bliss, right? Of course being in the military is okay, as long as it's like a video game. As long as you can shoot for hours and hours and never know the damage you've done. I'm not trying to be rude or disrespectful, I'm actually just genuinely worried about what kind of people this process is creating. How can a person come back from this? Can they?
     When I was younger and told that America and Canada were allied, I thought that was really nice. In my child-like brain I thought, "Man, it is so cool of the USA to let Canada be friends with them. They are so important." On a drive home from a relative's house, I was trying to think of an analogy for the way I feel about the relationship between America and Canada now (in strict terms of government actions and political policies - I'm definitely not referring to the people of America as a whole), and I figured it out. Canada and America are sisters. They've grown up beside each other, sharing ideas and borrowing clothes and food and money from each other. America is the younger sister and sometimes she can be grumpy. She gets jealous of Canada, and Asia, and Africa because they have things that she doesn't have, like diamonds and silk, etc. America then throws a tantrum. At first, Canada tries to help and calm her down. Canada tries to negotiate a deal with America so that she'll stop freaking out, but it doesn't work. After a while, and after many episodes, Canada has finally given up and she just lets America do what she needs to do, even if that means taking every single thing she can from Asia and Africa and all the other girls in the world. Of course, Canada still loves America and is there for her when she needs help, but Canada has learned to just look on with a knowing smirk.
     I know that there are many parts of America that are abundant with people who have different ideas and knowledge. Some of the most amazing inventions and theories have come out of America. I would love to see as much of the USA as I possibly can before I die. This blog post wasn't written to force everyone in America into a box. This post was written to make people take a step back and think about this shit. Does America need a military? Why do they need a military? Did they, in fact, bring all of this turmoil upon themselves? Does Canada need a military? Why are we still fighting? Why aren't people questioning the government and each other?
     This is the stuff that runs through my mind. These are all merely thoughts and things that I've come across during my experience here. Again, offending any American people is the last thing I'm trying to do. This isn't aimed at people, this is aimed at policy. All I'm trying to do is create a thought process about these issues because I think they're important. You can disagree with me, agree with me, be furious at me - whatever. Just think about it and comment if you want! Thanks for the read.
   

After This, We'll Be Best Friends.

     Hi, guys. I'm having a terrible time right now. Wanna hear about it? Cool. I hope you understand that what I write in this blog isn't even stuff that I actually say out loud, which may actually be really negative for my soul, but bear with me for now, okay? I'll get to the point where I can actually be as rude/boisterous/emotionally stimulating/courageous as I am on here in real life in my own time. Honestly, I'm kind of writing this post to get some sort of feedback on what I should do here.
     First of all, I'm having an awful time being inspired to do anything that I care about. I used to do so many good things, you know? I fucking painted all the time, wrote songs, rode my bike, read books, did origami, had arguments, etc. and now I don't do any of that, and I'm really trying to figure out why. I don't even read BOOKS anymore, guys. I used to read all the damn time and now I don't even want to. Well, maybe that isn't true, but I haven't found anything to be interesting enough to read in a long time. My main theory right now is that I'm kind of just waiting to start school and that, once I start school, I'll kind of get back into my groove, you know? But I'm just not sure, and it's the "not knowing" thing that terrifies me. Because I really liked who I used to be and I don't entirely like the person I'm turning into now, and I really want to change that, but I'm not motivated and it is TOTALLY KILLING ALL OF MY VIBES. So that's my first issue with myself - take it or leave it.
     My second thing is that I think I'm too angry. I was thinking about it today, and I realized that if I had to pick a personality type to describe myself, I would probably pick "passive aggressive". And I truly don't believe that's a bad thing, but sometimes I wonder if maybe I should take a break for a few minutes and just appreciate something - like, appreciate anything, really. I went to a rad concert last night and while I was watching it, crying my fucking face off, I was all, "Jenelle, this is why you're alive. You have to remember how this feels and transfer it to other parts of your life. You have to make things better. You have to appreciate other things." And that made me feel good! Because I was addressing the situation and I had a lot of hope, you know? I still kind of feel that today, but I don't feel the same spark, and I don't know how to get it back.
     I just "Stumbled" onto a page combatting teen pregnancy and got really mad and thought, "Well, what if those teens want to be pregnant? Fuckhead internet." And then I realized that was totally irrational and maybe I need to evaluate my life a little bit. I know that being an agitator is a positive thing in a lot of ways (in most ways), but sometimes I wonder if I'm too focused on being mad and maybe not focused enough on being happy? This is my dilemma.
     I don't want you to click away from this post thinking, "Man - Jenelle is really down on herself! She's not the confident, bad-ass bitch I thought I knew." Don't think that at all. I still think I'm fucking rad, I'm just kind of in a pickle right now and I'm trying to figure out how to solve it, and some friendly advice from people who care enough to read my blog would be refreshing. This probably should have just been a diary thing, but I don't like diaries and I really don't have one, so I'm giving my heart and soul to the internet in hopes of an answer. Without religion, the internet is all us atheists have, amirite? That was probably inappropriate. I'm going to stoop back into my late-night loneliness and let you cool cats get some sleep. Thanks for reading my internal frustrations that I spewed out onto the beginnings of my writing career. Hit me up with some answers, stand-in Jesus. Goodnight.

"Holy Actual Crap, Guys." (The Title of My First Book on Patriarchal Disdain.)

     Hey kids! Guess who's angry again?
     A friend of mine received this from a middle-aged male stranger at a bus stop today.

     The placement of this picture on my post is disgusting (I don't do pictures often), but that isn't the point. Just read this and let it sink in for a second. Now, forget all of the religious garbage. I don't think religion really has anything to do with the opinions of this man, I think it's just something for him to hide behind. Let's get down to the brass tax here. My friend was "rewarded" with this discriminatory note because she was wearing relatively modest clothing. Being modest is cool, guys - whatever. If a person wants to be modest, she should be modest and that's that. That isn't my issue. Correction - that isn't my ISSUES (fuck grammar right now). I don't even know where to begin. You know, I'm gonna make a list. Here we go:

1. "...Satan's influence...". Satan, who is probably a better soul than this man, has nothing to do with clothing. Satan doesn't have anything to do with anything. Satan is a figment of religious peoples' beliefs. Satan does not choose what a woman wears, a woman chooses what she wears - OBVIOUSLY. To shame a woman into thinking that choosing certain clothing makes her like/affiliates her with Satan in any way is a disgusting act, and that alone makes me want to punch this man right in his central belief system. Luckily for my friend, though, she didn't "succumb to Satan's influence", so at least she's safe, right? Fuck.
2. "...shaming and degrading yourself in wearing revealing and inappropriate clothing". Because that's what shame is - being scantily clad. Shame and degradation definitely are not a result of insulting women with condescending pieces of paper - oh no! Shame and degradation stem directly from women doing what they want with their freedom of choice. You know, maybe all women should have a uniform for each season to prevent their hellish behaviour, because apparently people can't deal with seeing our ankles or wrists. Maybe we should all wear head-to-toe body suits? But those would probably be too form-fitting... Maybe all women should just stay inside to prevent anyone being offended by ARMS. 
3. "Thank you for respecting yourself enough...". Give me a fucking break. Are you serious, dude? The amount of fabric on my body in no way represents the amount of respect I have for myself or for others. How can you assume something so horrid just by glancing in my direction? I dare this jerk-off to give women a written an explanation as to why it's okay for us to be bombarded by half-naked women constantly in advertising but it isn't okay for us to wear clothes that don't cover every bit of skin on our bodies, and also, why he is free to wear whatever type of shirt he wants, but if we wear shirts that are shorter than our elbows, we're the spawn of fucking Satan. I bet that if he was forced to explain this, he would find fault in his own reasoning even without anyone else saying anything about it. OPEN YOUR EYES, MAN. Self-respect is to clothes as the colour of the sky is to how fast a train moves: completely irrelevant on every level.
4. The bolded words and the fucking lollipop. As was already pointed out by my Facebook pals, it isn't enough that he insulted every woman in the world by creating this note, but he also had the audacity to help us with our literacy because we're obviously too stupid as a species to understand what certain words mean. And oh, hey! Here's a piece of candy because I'm a man and you're a woman and I'm higher above you in societal ranking and you need a reward for acting the way I want you to act! Good dog! 

     To top off my daily dose of patriarchal garbage, a WOMAN who is no longer my Facebook friend as of twenty minutes ago made a status along the lines of, "If you're going to wear low-cut shirts and booty shorts, you should expect that people are going to judge you. Stop complaining." I'm so furious right now, I can't even deal. As a woman - no, as a PERSON - I have the right to wear anything I want to wear in the universe. I can wear a sari, corduroy pants, a swimming suit, or nothing at all, and that should be okay. To this whole "stop disrespecting yourself", "you should expect this sort of attention", "remain modest" bullshit, I would like to say a big ol' fashioned FUCK YOU. Equality, guys. We, as women, do not need any patriarchal reinforcement telling us that we're "doing it wrong"; that we aren't being "proper". My definition of what is right is exactly that - MY definition. My friend's is hers. We do not need your opinion and we don't need your attitude, okay? Just butt out. Our wardrobes are not your business and you should be ashamed of yourself for thinking otherwise. We're not asking for anything, be it your opinion, your thoughts, your feelings, or your penis - any of it. No one is asking for any of that just by being in public! If a person wants that from you, she will ask, you know? With words. Also, having people make comments about our bodies is not our fault ever. Society makes men (and women too, actually) think it's okay for them to say or do whatever they want when I'm dressed a certain way and that's false. The fact that people don't question these social norms put in place by the patriarchy really freaks me out. The fact that this middle-aged stranger thought that it was okay to even THINK about MAKING any sort of note like this scares me. These are the people that are holding us back, and that makes me really sad because they don't even know they're doing it, you know? Society has raised to them think that it's okay and that we, as women, have to just accept these judgements and move on. We don't and we shouldn't be expected to. We should be able to do, say, and wear whatever we want without people telling us that we're wrong. Yeah, maybe sometimes we are wrong, but who's business is that but our own? And when it comes to clothing, I'm sorry, but we can never be wrong. You wear those pink leg warmers and that nasty yellow knit sweater, girl! It's your choice and that's all. 

     This post isn't as nicely put together as I hoped it would be, but I'm just really angry at the world so that's my excuse. I just hope that one day, all of the women who were given these disgusting notes, or any sort of equivalent, rise up and tell people about it and that maybe it'll convince them even more than the REST OF THE WORLD already has, that we need feminism. We need feminism bad, y'all. That's all I have to say about that right now. Thank you for your time. 

To Greenpeace or Not to Greenpeace? That is the Question.

     I wanted to write about this a while ago, but it sort of slipped my mind. Here it is now, though!
     I was chatting with a very smart person one day about Greenpeace. If you read this, smart person, I know this may not be your opinion now but I found it really interesting at the time so I'd like to offer it up to my peeps as something to think about. I hope that's okay!
     This very smart person said to me that he was "done with Greenpeace". Now, I've wanted to work for Greenpeace since I was eight, so I have to say, I was a little taken aback by this comment. When I asked him why, he said that because of things like Whale Wars and Seal Wars and their constant attack on North American oil, they're missing out on other opportunites to be activists. He said that because they draw so much attention to North American oil, they aren't at all paying attention to Middle Eastern oil. My smart friend thought that Greenpeace was too worried about being glamorous and not worried enough about being engaged in everything they could be.
     I had never considered this point of view before and found it completely fascinating, to be honest with you. I never really looked past the green, peaceful face of Greenpeace. Maybe he was right. Maybe they weren't doing as much as they should be doing. And it got me to thinking about what they could be doing instead and this is what I came up with:
     Greenpeace could be a worldwide social agitator. They could be on top of every wrong-doing across the globe: every oil spill, every Occupy protest, every clear cut, every styrofoam cup thrown out a window, etc. And this would be fantastic! It would be incredibly helpful in the fight for our right to live on a healthy, happy planet.
     Greenpeace doesn't have enough people for this. Sadly, there are not enough people who care and who are willing to be at every single tossing-of-a-cigarette-butt incident. But, the people at Greenpeace are doing what they can with the resources that they have. AND THEY ARE DOING SOMETHING.
     Even though I see my smart friend's point, here is why I am still on the Greenpeace train:
1. Without TV shows like Whale Wars and Seal Wars, thousands of people wouldn't even have known that things like that were taking place.
2. I know that everything with a camera seems like a hoax, but personally, I would not be on a ship on the coast of Antarctica saving whales' asses if I didn't care about it with all of my heart and soul. These people are hardcore.
3. Greenpeace is confronting AN oil crisis. Not all oil crises, but they are making people aware of part of the industry that will ultimately be our demise and I think that's a pretty big dealio.
4. Greenpeace is a not-for-profit organization. My strong, womanly instincts tell me that this cannot be a bad thing.
5. Greenpeace is the most well-known, most fricking inspiring activist group ever. If you are not inspired by a group of people who may live in poverty on purpose just for the sake of helping YOU live freely on your Earth, I don't know what to say.
6. Greenpeace may not be protesting and boycotting everything, but    THEY ARE DOING SOMETHING. I cannot say that enough. I can't help but think that the fact that they are out there in the public eye doing something so amazing and helpful makes others want to be helpful too. Maybe not to the same degree of crazy, but maybe they'll stop eating meat. Maybe they'll start riding their bike to school. Maybe they'll stop going to zoos.
     We, as a whole, need organizations like Greenpeace to remind us of what's important.